Kristi Noem Did Not Do Things And If You Say She Did Things You Are A Disgusting Liar​

State/Local Politics

When we last left our South Dakota GOP governor hero, she was denying rumors that she and her adviser Corey Lewandowski (who's got some other things going on right now all of a sudden) were doin' it with no pants on, without specifically saying she was denying rumors she and Corey Lewandowski are doin' it with no pants on. Instead she was saying they were "old, tired attacks on conservative women [...] based on a falsehood that we can't achieve anything without a man's help." Which is funny because the "old, tired attacks on conservative women" were published on a very MAGA blog, and nothing in it suggested Noem has only achieved things because she got "help" from Corey Lewandowski.

But sure, Governor, whatever shit you feel you need to say.

It was also announced yesterday that the highly credible (we kid!) attorney general of South Dakota would be looking into allegations that Noem may-haps have used her clout as governor to help her daughter Kassidy Peters get a license as a real estate appraiser, or more specifically a level of certification as an appraiser, that Kassidy Peters had not actually qualified for. Noem had complained that the "media is trying to destroy my children." She said the media was "going after conservatives and their kids while ignoring Liberals," and then made some hashtag allusion to Hunter Biden that only makes sense to the types of people who eat (horse) paste.

Noem now has more to say about that whole possible impropriety nepotism corruption thing with poor, put-upon Kassidy and the mystery of the appraiser's license:


What in the hell does that even mean? Appraiser's license qualifications are fairly stringent nationwide, and it becomes more and more difficult as appraisers seek out higher levels of qualification. We have been doing some googling to see if there is something that makes South Dakota's process particularly unreasonable, like maybe there is a physical challenge session where all candidates must wrestle an angry cow on top of Mount Rushmore to proceed to the next level, but if that exists, we haven't found it.

But that's fairly irrelevant to the question of why Noem's daughter was in the room when Noem reportedly started hauling asses into her office in summer 2020 to talk about appraiser certifications, literally days after the state's Department of Labor and Regulation "moved to deny" Kassidy Peters's license, as the AP put it.

Fuck is she even talking about? Fuck.

This woman is a real piece of work, that's what we say, a real wiseacre.

Fuck.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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