Kyrsten Sinema Was Worried Some Democrats Didn't Hate Her Yet

Kyrsten Sinema Was Worried Some Democrats Didn't Hate Her Yet
Image: Kyrsten Sinema on Instagram

Independent senator from Arizona and your sister’s ridiculous dipshit girlfriend who managed to piss off the entire family at Thanksgiving Kyrsten Sinema continues to find new depths of megalomaniacal stupid that she can plumb.

And plumb them she will, because this is America, where “being a terrible jerk” is a lucrative career path:

As she races to stockpile campaign money and post an impressive, statement-making first-quarter fundraising number, Sinema has used a series of Republican-dominated receptions and retreats this year to belittle her Democratic colleagues, shower her GOP allies with praise and, in one case, quite literally give the middle finger to President Joe Biden’s White House.

This is Washington DC, and politics, and Lord knows we don’t expect elected officials to sniff each other’s butts in the dog park before playfully wrestling around in piles of doggie poop. But still, Sinema seems to have managed the impressive feat of being more of an alienating dickwad to her fellow senators than Ted Cruz. And people haaaaaaaaate Ted Cruz.

Sinema’s sniping spree has delighted the Republican lawmakers, lobbyists and donors who’ve taken in the show, giving some of them hope that she can be convinced to caucus with the GOP, either in this Congress or in the case she’s reelected as an independent.

This is the one difference between Sinema and Cruz, besides the wigs: Sinema has been embraced by the other side of the aisle, because the other side of the aisle is made up of amoral sociopaths whose love of owning the libs is only exceeded by their love of a one-time lib owning the libs.

Cruz, on the other hand, has been equally hated by both Democrats and Republicans since he came to Congress. He’s an equal-opportunity hate object.

Which all raises the question for McConnell: Should his efforts to woo a mainstream Republican fail, would he be better off attempting to cut a deal with Sinema or hope a candidate like Lake can prevail in a three-way race against a current and former Democrat?

Imagine Kari Lake reaching the Senate because Kyrsten Sinema splits the non-Golden Horde vote in Arizona. This is like asking if you’d prefer to cure your constipation with a wheat germ enema or by having Jack Bauer stick his arm down your throat and yank out your intestines.

Some of Sinema’s friends believe she’ll retire rather than risk losing. To borrow the old line about the Clintons, after her taste of high finance on the fundraising circuit, she’s become like the Episcopal priest in the humble rectory who was surrounded by money in his pews and wanted a cut. (Her appetites for luxury hotels, car services and charter flights, as laid out in her campaign finance reports, are ample.)

*extremely Eva Peron voice* Don’t cry for me, Maricopa…

“Old dudes are eating Jell-O, everyone is talking about how great they are,” Sinema recounted [about her former colleagues in the Democratic caucus] to gales of laughter. “I don’t really need to be there for that. That’s an hour and a half twice a week that I can get back.”

Presumably she doesn’t like having competition in the self-aggrandizement department, which makes being a politician an even weirder career choice.

“I spend my days doing productive work, which is why I’ve been able to lead every bipartisan vote that’s happened the last two years,” she said.

Three months ago we read a story about Sinema selling her used clothes on Facebook Marketplace at 11 A.M. on a weekday. Apparently she has sold a lot of clothes that way. So yes, she is doing productive work, if one thinks the only goal of productive work should be to help Kyrsten Sinema pay for those charter flights and winery internships.

Then there are several paragraphs of blah blah blah about how Sinema has protected rich people from higher taxes, specifically because she loves hanging out with private equity vampires more even than she seems to love ignoring her constituents.

The senator lamenting Washington name-calling and cynicism before an audience of AEI contributors told another, smaller crowd earlier in the year that House liberals were “crazy people,” that “most of my colleagues just aren’t familiar” with tax policy and wondered why other senators didn’t leverage the 50-50 Senate to be a “pain in the ass” like her.

Oh Lord, can you imagine? If every Senator leveraged the Senate like Sinema does, literally nothing would ever get done. The place is already more dysfunctional than the basement of the Baltimore State Hospital. The last thing it needs is 99 more Kyrsten Sinemas to throw sand in the gears.

In conclusion, Kyrsten Sinema still sucks, she will always suck, the end.


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