How many strong women can you name, Ted?


When you think Ted Cruz, you think "feminist hero." OK, well, maybe first you think "punchy face." Then you think "Isn't he from Canada?" Then you think "Everyone hates him, LOL." Then you think about that time he scoffed at Jew York values and literally pissed on the graves of all our fallen 9/11s and made Donald Trump -- Donald endorsed by the KKK and all the neo-Nazi groups Trump -- seem like the decent human being, with his one weird trick of being Ted Cruz.

Then you think about how you need to pick up your dry cleaning after work, how you're running low on milk and should swing by the Super Quicky Ultra Max Store, whether your bedroom walls could use a fresh coat of paint, and then, maybe after all of that, you think "Ted Cruz: feminist hero."

No, even then you don't think that. But you know who does? The fine pioneering feministicans called Ted Cruz's mom and Ted Cruz's wife:

The Texas senator rolled out a “Women for Cruz” coalition with his wife, his mother and former GOP hopeful Carly Fiorina. Cruz was the only man on stage for the launch of the coalition, which his campaign website says consists of more than 23,000 members.

Hey, what is Carly Fiorina doing there? She's not a Cruz! Ted has never had birthing or sexual relations with her vagina. OR HAS HE? Maybe she is a secret unlegal Cruz from Canada. Maybe she's his real mom. Maybe he sticked his maple syrup sac inside of her because they are both (allegedly) cheaters like that. Why is Carly strutting around like a common Cruz, Ted?

“This event this morning is a celebration of strong women,” Cruz said. “The purpose of this event this morning is to take some time to introduce three strong women that I admire, who I respect, who I’ve learned from, who exemplify the incredible opportunity that America presents to everyone.”

Oh. Blah blah strong women blah blah barf. What the eff did Cruz learn from Carly Fiorina? How to drive a company into the ground? How to make feminisms from his resting bitch face?

“One of the most frustrating things about the Democratic Party is that Democrats love to pigeonhole women,” Cruz said. “You have a set of issues that are women’s issues.

“Women are not a special interest. Women are a majority of the United States of America, and every issue is a women’s issue,” Cruz continued.

That's some A+ feminismings, Ted Cruz! Stupid Democrats, always tricking strong women into voting for them when Ted's the real feminist. Tell us how your hubby is so good for the ladies and their issues, won't you, Mrs. Ted?

"I want all of the women here in Wisconsin and across this country, to know how incredibly supportive ... he has always been of all the women in his life," she said. "I want you to know as voters he'll be equally supportive of you and your families."

Awww. He remembers to call his mom on Mother's Day, and he gives an encouraging ass-pat to his wife for making all the moneys at Goldman Sachs to support their family and his campaign habit. Make him president, and he'll do the same for you!

Or maybe he'll just demand that a group of cunty nuns should be the boss of women's healthcare because women are so plentiful. Maybe he'll oppose the Violence Against Women Act because states' rights. Maybe he'll try to give Hillary Clinton a spanking, just like how he hits his five-year-old daughter, when he catches her doing Benghazi.

Certainly Cruz's compelling argument, plus these three chicks who say "Ted is good on the girl stuff," undoubtedly swayed all the women in the crowd to immediately sign up to rah-rah on his Broad Squad:

Before a mostly male audience in Madison, Wis., Cruz made a pitch to female voters and provided insight into his relationships with the women in his life.

Oh, or not. But once those guys go home and tell their wives and daughters about this, we're sure they'll wake up and realize Cruz is what's best for them.

[The Hill]

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