We have done it, ladies! Somehow, in between our shoe shopping and casual just-for-LOLs abortioning, we found the time to almost overcome The Patriarchy. Its death is so close, you can smell its rotting corpse already:

The share of women on corporate board seats among hundreds of the country’s biggest corporations has doubled over the last 17 years. But even if the rate of change significantly increased, it will take decades until women reach equality. [...]

At that rate, women would only get to 30 percent of board seats in 10 years and won’t see equality for another 40 years — until 2065.

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See, almost there! We should probably schedule the celebratory manis and pedis luncheon at the abortionplex now before all the reservations are filled. The third Saturday in January 2065 work for all y'all? Cool, don't be late.

To turn off our silly little ladybrains for just a second and have deep serious thoughts like men (#YesAllMen), there are probably better ways to measure women's looooooooooong march (backward, in heels!) toward equality. Like, your average Lady-American is probably a little too busy with her day-to-day lady concerns to worry much about how many rich white ladies (they are all rich white ladies, yes they are) get to sit in corporate board rooms and scream "DON'T FUCK WITH ME, FELLAS!" Average Lady is more focused on the vagina tax automatically deducted from her paychecks and how everything in her life costs extra -- from her healthcare to her dry cleaning to her stupid razors to shave her stupid pits so they are smooth and ladylike.

Still, the embarrassing absence of women in positions of power and influence, according to yet another goddamned study, this time from the Government Accountability Office, is at least worth a heavy sigh and an eyeroll. And before you start sputtering that it's not about institutional sexism and The Patriarchy, it's just that women don't want to sit on corporate boards, you can zip it right now, because nope, that ain't it:

The report tried to piece together why women are making such slow progress beyond a low turnover rate. One troubling answer seems to be that once a company appoints one or two women to a board, it seems to feel that its mission of diversifying is accomplished. [...]

Interviews the GAO conducted with people on boards also found that many believe boards don’t prioritize diverse candidates, that they tend to pick people from their existing networks or those who “fit” with the current makeup of the board, and that there is a lack of women in the traditional pipeline to pick candidates.

Just a random coincidence, then, that when a seat does open up, all the men in the room look over at the one lady at the table and figure what with Mary Sue there, they're already good and diversified enough thanks, so what they really need is another dude who will fit right into their corporate culture of dudes plus Mary Sue.

At least things are getting better than they were in the before times, when we couldn't even vote or have our own bank accounts. One time, the boys even let a lady named Carly Fiorina damn near destroy a major once-great corporation, just like men do!

So let's keep up the good work, ladies. A few more Fiorinas, and another 50 or so years of working twice as hard and being four times as good just to prove we deserve half a chance, and The Patriarchy will be dead forever, and we shall waltz and tango and twerk all over it, in our heels.

[Think Progress]