Weirdo Wingnut Just Wants To Share His Creepy Sex Dream About Kamala Harris (Allegedly!)
Self-described "catalytic thought leader" Lance Wallnau is terrified of women. He sees witches everywhere like it's a “Bewitched" marathon, but today's Samantha-Stevens-filled coven won't give up their powers for the fulfilling existence of a suburban housewife. They want to take over the world. They tried and failed with demon priestess Hillary Clinton, but now Satan has a new, fiercer vessel in Kamala Harris.
In a banana-pants video, Wallnau claims Donald Trump's “only base" is “sane people, but how many sane people do you know?" That's quite the self-own. He contends that Harris, whose first name he pronounces “Camel-a," is going to do what Barack Obama wants, which is to “undo Trump's legacy." I don't consider that a terrible thing because Trump's legacy is doo-doo.
WALLNAU: She's gonna undo every executive order, everything that can be undone, even down to some judges that Trump put in ... she's gonna argue. She won't argue. She's not intelligent. She's ingeniously gifted with a chameleon likability.
No, Harris isn't Woody Allen's character Zelig. She's a former prosecutor. She's argued effectively (and quite intelligently) for decades. She didn't make Brett Kavanaugh cry by singing a powerful rendition of “Vision of Love."
Also, yes, you aren't misremembering: Kamala Harris didn't win the Democratic primary. She's the vice presidential nominee, but Wallnau presumes she's going to run the country with her Sassy Black Lady sorcery. She will “charm people capable of being sucked in by the political power of her personality." I love the sister, but if she were this diabolical, her campaign should've made it to Super Tuesday. If the plan all along was to use Joe Biden as an old goat's foot in her voodoo spell, she didn't need to waste all that time in Iowa she'll never get back.
WALLNAU: My concern is this dream that I had.
WALLNAU: I was in an elevator with her.
This has taken a turn. I feel like I should leave the room, give Wallnau some alone time.
WALLNAU: I was in an elevator going up, and I knew there was a Jezebel spirit.
You probably think of Jezebel as either the cool feminist website, the classic Bette Davis movie, or a generalized term for a “promiscuous woman," an offensive stereotype often associated with Black women. White men want to fuck Kamala Harris and that is somehow her problem. She's smart and capable regardless of whatever wet dreams Wallnau has had about her, allegedly.
WALLNAU: This was before she ran for the primaries for president, so I knew all along that she was going to be the one that the devil is going to try to use to take Trump out.
Sure, Trump is on the side of the non-fallen angels.
WALLNAU: We're going to fight in the spirit, and we're going to mobilize in other ways in order to do what has to be done to keep the devil from his impatient, lusting, grasping, premature seizure of power. I'm telling you, Kamala is Hillary 2.0. It's the Jezebel spirit 2.0, and she has no real conscience
I'm not religious at all and even I realize that Wallnau, a so-called man of God, is claiming Harris has no soul. In religious speak, it's like saying she's a demon, one of the children of Lilith (who I personally prefer to Eve). It's not a joke when apocaylptic fundamentalist types actively other and dehumanize the “enemy."
Wonkette's own Evan Hurst went undercover at some creep revivalist meeting a decade ago, where there was a lot of talk about “Jezebel." Everyone was a “Jezebel." There was a whole “Jezebel" generation. This was during the Obama administration, so it was important to stress how the duly elected president wasn't morally empowered to lead and that it's good and holy to defy a government so wicked it believes LGBTQ people should exist.
The thrice-married, pussy-grabbing, adult-film-star-banging casino loser is somehow a man of God so everything was chill once he was in command. It's no coincidence that Donald Trump is a white cis male who promotes white cis male supremacy under the guise of “Christianity."
Wallnau is already preparing his flock for the Kamala Harris administration — Joe Biden is just a red herring. President Harris will inflict the “Jezebel spirit" on an unsuspecting nation. He's arguing that it's safe again to reject a false government and wage war against your Jezebel neighbors.
Meanwhile, whenever he closes his eyes, Wallnau probably imagines himself back in that elevator with Senator Harris.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).