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Laura Ingraham Did Not Mean Her Racist Comments Racistly, You Racist!

Post-Racial America

Well golly fucking dammit, it has happened again! Laura Ingraham did that thing where she opens her mouth and words come out, and then suddenly everybody was like "what the fuck is wrong with you" and "you piece of shit." Unfortunately for Ingraham, unlike many purveyors of racism and white nationalism and other generalized bigotry, she is also a coward. Or maybe she is just worried all her advertisers will leave again.

Whatever it is, Ingraham felt the need on Thursday night to clarify her comments from Wednesday night, which were construed as OMG SO FUCKING RACIST for some reason, we guess because of all the unrepentant racism. In case you missed it, here's what she said:


Hoo boy.

People were obviously offended and Ingraham's name trended all over Twitter, and known white supremacists got little teeny weeny racism boners. David Duke even jizzed a little, in this tweet, which has since been deleted:

Laura Ingraham did not mean it that way, David Duke! She meant to say the quiet part quiet and the loud part loud, like she usually does! It's not like she's Tucker Carlson or anything.

Here is Ingraham's "clarification":

A message to those who are distorting my views, including all white nationalists, and especially one racist freak whose name I will not even mention.

David Duke. YOU RACIST FREAK. Laura Ingraham is not racist. Laura Ingraham is woke as fuck. Look here:

You do not have my support. You don't represent my views, and you are antithetical to the beliefs I hold dear.

How can she be racist? One of her adopted children is from Guatemala, for God's sake, which is ... (checks news) ... one of the countries people have been fleeing for their lives, only to be greeted at the US border by having their families ripped apart and their babies put in baby jails, which are actually just like "summer camps," according to ... (searches Wonkette dot com) ... oh yes that was Laura Ingraham! (They are not like "summer camps.")

GO ON, MADAM:

The purpose of last night's Angle was to point out that the rule of law, meaning secure borders, is something that used to bind our country together.

And despite what some may be contending, I made explicitly clear that my commentary had nothing to do with race or ethnicity, but rather a shared goal of keeping America safe, and her citizens safe and prosperous.
Furthermore, as I have said repeatedly on the show, merit-based immigration does wonders for our country's economy, our way of life, and how we define our country.

I even said that in my opening thoughts last night. I want to make it really clear that my concern will continue to remain with the families who have suffered the tragic results of illegal immigration. The children put in dangerous and unfair situations at the border, and all those border agents around the country who work to keep our country safe.

Oh my fucking God. She did not make "explicitly clear" that she wasn't talking about "race or ethnicity." In fact she was saying that because of ILLEGAL and LEGAL immigration (she means from the Hispanic countries south of us, as opposed to when nice white people like Melania's mommy and daddy do chain migration to America), "demographic changes" have been "foisted" upon unwilling American Fox News viewers, who are mostly the type who insist they are not racist because have you seen how nicely their black neighbors maintain their lawns?

Unless Ingraham was talking about other kinds of demographic changes that come from immigration from Mexico and Central America -- maybe she just doesn't like the average age of the immigrants? Are they all gay? OOH, maybe all those Latinx people are unfairly tilting America toward Catholicism or something, which is bad because JUST KIDDING, LAURA INGRAHAM IS FUCKING CATHOLIC -- then she was just being a fucking racist bigot piece of shit asshole, like she is every day of her godforsaken life. Unfortunately this time she didn't apologize "in the spirit of Holy week," because that was fucking hilarious.

Hey Laura Ingraham's advertisers! Feel free to go ahead and do that thing again please!

As for Ingraham, she oughta go fuck herself, as usual.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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