Lesbians Terrorize Hawaii Supermarket With Kisses, Lesbianism

Same old story. Go on Hawaiian vacation, go to grocery store with lesbian lover lady, research various melons (the produce kind, not each other's), kiss lesbian lover on cheek, end up in jail for a couple days for allegedly assaulting a policeman, get trapped in Hawaii for months. Wait, what?

Courtney Wilson and Taylor Guerrero are Los Angeles residents, and they are gay for each other in the lesbian way. Everything went wrong when they committed the dastardly sin of showing affection in a supermarket in Hawaii:

[The couple] claimed they were on their second day of vacation on the island of Oahu, when they were thrown behind bars after kissing and holding hands at a Honolulu grocery store in March, according to a federal lawsuit filed Tuesday by the couple.

According to the lawsuit, Honolulu Police Officer Bobby Harrison began to harass them after noticing their public displays of affection at a Foodland store.

Oh sure, you're probably thinking, JUST KISSING. They were probably scissoring like common Indigo Girls, right next to the bakery counter. Except no! According to Guerrero, "We were holding hands and I was kissing her cheek." What on EARTH will we tell the children???? ("Look, children, those two ladies love each other, isn't that sweet?" That's a good way to start.)

According to the ladies, after Officer Harrison told them to stop gaying each other in public, they stopped, probably wanting to get away from the crazy off-duty cop as quickly as possible. They say he tailed them to the checkout, told them they were going to be cited for trespassing (???), and that's where shit went down:

Wilson, 25, said at the press conference she was "confused as to what exactly we did ... I called the police myself."

She said she was on the phone with police when Harrison grabbed her arm and Guerrero stepped in to move between her girlfriend and the officer.

That's when Wilson says the officer struck her and threw Guerrero to the ground.

"The whole altercation that happened, it escalated so quickly," Wilson told NBC News on Thursday. "I mean, I got punched in the face by a man."

Terrible, how lesbians are always forcing male police officers to punch them in the face.

Even better, once they were released from jail, they were required to stay in Honolulu -- remember, they were on a vacation -- for SIX MONTHS afterward:

The two wound up sleeping in a park, staying with family friends or strangers and found work cleaning vacation rentals, Wilson said. Guerrero, who had worked at a restaurant in Santa Monica, California, lost her job.

They must have spooked that shithead cop good! Of course, the charges have been dropped, so LOL OOPS WE GUESS.

The possibilities, as we see them:

  • The girls are big liars who set up a sex swing in aisle four, did sex on each other, and then beated up a cop for no reason, like lesbians do so much.
  • The cop had a flashback to this one porno he was watching the night before, where pretend lesbians do sex in the grocery store. That wasn't real, Officer Dumbass!
  • The cop is a fundamentalist Christian. They're not the friendliest.
  • His wife left him for a lesbian who beated up a cop in a grocery store.
  • Officer Harrison is just a bad cop and a bad person, and he should be fired forever.

Good luck with your lawsuit, ladies! Take ALL THEIR MONEYS.


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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