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It is never the wrong time to panic


With Donald Trump the presumptive Republican nominee, Tuesday night and Wednesday morning have been time for much panic, many gnashing of the teeth for the NeverTrump folks. It's kind of cute to see their resolute determination that when they say never, they mean NEVER TRUMP, mixed with all the bitter tears they're crying for America and what Hillary Clinton will do to our once-great nation. Actually, it sounds almost exactly like all the wailing over Barack Obama winning a second term. Erick Erickson, who disinvited Trump from his big conservative sleepover after Trump said that thing about Megyn Kelly bleeding from her wherever, has been going slightly nuts. He's not sure who he's angrier at, Trump or the Republican Party establishment that let this disaster happen. His Twitter stream since the news broke has been a mix of angst, brave posturing, and bedwetting:

By 1 a.m. Wednesday, Erickson had posted this cri de butthurt on his blog, vowing Never means never ever ever:

I could no more vote for Donald Trump for President than I could David Duke. Nor can I in good conscience vote for Hillary Clinton. [...]

From here on out, it will be somewhat refreshing to cover this race hating them all. Republicans will say Trump has not yet set about attacking Hillary. The truth is that she has not yet set about attacking Trump. Republicans may have attacked his small hands. The Democrats will be far more substantive in their attacks with opposition research the Republicans never even pulled out.

Yeah, we're kind of looking forward to that, too.

Maybe Erick, Son of Erick, would like to purchase one of Wonkette's fine "Truck Fump" shirts? As a conservative Christian, he can still wear it, since it's not really cussin'. We really need to try marketing these suckers at #NeverTrump websites.

Over at the Daily Caller, columnist Jim Treacher wrote a VERY FUNNY THING: His headline is "#NeverTrump Is Dead, And Now We Have No Choice But To Vote For Him," and his lede says

Well, I guess it’s all over. I held the line for as long as I could, but now it looks like Donald Trump is going to be the Republican nominee. It’s never fun to admit that defiance is futile, but it’s time for me to make amends. It’s time to build bridges. It’s time to reach out to all my Trump-supporting brothers and sisters. Here’s why I’m going back on my word and voting for Donald Trump in November, and why you should too:

He followed that with the video for Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up." It was all a Rickroll, hahaha, and he is as firmly anti-Trump as ever! This is why we love the conservative wit. He then goes on to explain, at length, the meaning of "never" -- by some miracle, he doesn't actually cite a dictionary, so he's advanced past first-year composition -- and closes with this "so long, suckers!" to the GOP:

I didn’t make this mess, and I’m not cleaning it up. You geniuses are on your own. Have fun coming up with pathetic excuses for what’s going to happen in November. Hillary Clinton is the second-worst presidential candidate in American history, but fortunately for her, she’s going up against #1.

Jamie Weinstein, senior editor for Tucker Carlson's House of Conservative Grievance, also posted an editorial explaining why it's OK for real conservatives to sit this one out:

In a White House race between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, I’d prefer Clinton, just as I’d prefer Malaria to Ebola.

In most cases, Malaria is curable. Ebola is more often deadly [...]

But as bad as Hillary would be as president, there is little threat another Clinton presidency would end the American system as we know it.

Maybe we should get him together with Salon's Walker Bragman. They can have a beer and a cry together, and then get into a slapfight over who's more likely to ruin America forever. It's surprising how a bad turn in an election can bring people together.

Then there's the American Patriarchy Association's radio mouthpiece, Bryan Fisher, who went quickly from Despair to Denial:

Yeah, there's an idea. We can certainly get behind that.

[Erick Erickson on Twitter / The Resurgent / Daily Caller / Daily Caller again / Bryan Fischer on Twitter]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Corey Stewart, the Minnesota transplant to Virginia who's made protecting "Confederate Heritage" a top issue in his campaign for the US Senate, accused a nosy New York Times reporter of breaking into the apartment of one of his aides. It's a terrific accusation, because while there's no evidence at all and the story makes no damn sense, that doesn't matter at all to people who'd vote for Corey Stewart. They already hate the evil media and know those nasty reporters are capable of all the depravity in the world.

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Hey, remember that hilarious time when Paul Ryan and Kevin McCarthy got caught on tape joking that LOL, Donald Trump and Congressman Dana Rohrabacher were totally on Putin's payroll? WaPo got the goods:

"There's two people I think Putin pays: Rohrabacher and Trump," McCarthy (R-Calif.) said, according to a recording of the June 15, 2016 exchange, which was listened to and verified by The Washington Post.

Rep. Dana Rohrabacher is a Californian Republican known in Congress as a fervent defender of Putin and Russia.House Speaker Paul D. Ryan (R-Wis.) immediately interjected, stopping the conversation from further exploring McCarthy's assertion, and swore the Republicans present to secrecy.

It's funny 'cause it's true! ALLEGEDLY. Earlier this month, Congressman Lubyanka Rohrabacher told Fox reporter Elex Michaelson that DNC hack was obviously an inside job.

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