Let's All Watch The NRA's Big Tough Wayne LaPierre Whine A Whole Bunch At CPAC!
If there is anything I know we all look forward to each year when CPAC rolls around, it is the inevitable work of art that is Wayne LaPierre's speech. Last year, LaPierre explained that more Americans than ever were buying handguns, on account of how American had gone so darn wrong. This year, well -- let us just say that he has outdone himself.
And boy, does he ever have our number!
LaPierre opened his speech by talking about how the Far Left has turned protesting into what seems like a full-time profession, and notes that we are very bad at that profession, because for "$500 or a $1000 a week," we should at least know what we are protesting.
I'm not gonna lie -- it's a pretty sweet gig! I mean, we're all just raking in tons of cash day after day, being opposed to Donald Trump (and also Wayne LaPierre), for literally no reason that any of us can possibly name. But why does Wayne LaPierre hate all this job creation? Would he rather we hop on the dole and take his hard-earned tax dollars?
Of course, it's not always an easy job -- as LaPierre is quick to point out. Mostly because we are all members of the Black Bloc and have to "tomahawk beer bottles and rocks" and spit on Gold Star Families. If only we could learn from Donald Trump and merely insult Gold Star Families on Twitter, like gentlemen.
He is very sad about how violent we are, and how we want revenge on them for no reason, but he wants us to understand that THEY WON, which means we have to shut up forever. Just like they did after Obama was elected.
Especially people like Wayne LaPierre, who does not believe that violence is the answer to any problem. For instance, here he is back in 2011, explaining to Dick Durbin that the purpose of the Second Amendment is so that conservatives can overthrow the government with guns if they don't like what's going on. In a peaceful, non-violent way, we are sure.
"Senator, I think without any doubt, if you look at why our Founding Fathers put it there, they had lived under the tyranny of King George and they wanted to make sure that these free people in this new country would never be subjugated again and have to live under tyranny."
It is worth mentioning, also, that he is very upset about the way the Left talks about police officers like they are bad or something (which obviously encourages them to do violence to police officers). Unlike Wayne LaPierre, who once said:
"Not too long ago, it was unthinkable for federal agents wearing Nazi bucket helmets and black storm trooper uniforms to attack law-abiding citizens... In Clinton's administration, if you have a badge, you have the government's go-ahead to harass, intimidate, even murder law-abiding citizens."
SEE? It is different when Wayne LaPierre accuses Bill Clinton of sending storm troopers to his house to murder him, than when black people complain about police brutality. Because he is a white guy who likes guns. See the difference? It is clear as day.
LaPierre then explains how bad the media is, because they (we!) "dehumanize, demonize" them by calling them every evil name in the book, and then, when they finally "explode" unable to take it anymore, they (we!) film it and then constantly replay it on TV! In order to purge them from society!
HOW CAN WE BE SO CRUEL???
But back to the protestors, whom LaPierre claims are also terrorists!
"What happens when terrorists tag along with a flash mob protest at your local airport? And gas the place like they did in Tokyo? What happens when some freeway Facebook protest on your Interstate highway brings it all to a screeching halt? If you end up late for work, I mean that's one thing -- but what if you've had a heart attack, and you're in the ambulance and you only a mile away from the hospital? Ladies and Gentlemen, another definition of terrorism is violence in the name of politics! And criminal violence has no place in criminal debate! And those who engage in it and incite it, need to be punished, period!"
Here, again, is a peaceful, non-violent Wayne LaPierre claiming that he needs guns to overthrow the government:
"It doesn't matter to them that the semi-auto ban gives jack-booted government thugs more power to take away our constitutional rights, break in our doors, seize our guns, destroy our property, and even injure or kill us."
He then claims that liberal judges are also doing violence to him by not letting Donald Trump do whatever he wants.
Then he went back to the media, who again are doing violence to him and his way of life by not being nicer to Donald Trump:
“Our country is under siege from a media carpet-bombing campaign, and America knows it. You can hear it in their tone, their sneers, you can literally see the disdain on their faces. Everything from their word choices to their inflection is trained on one target: purposely and maliciously destroying the Trump presidency, no matter what it takes and no matter what it costs.”
If only we could follow Wayne LaPierre's lead and be fair to the opposition. Perhaps if we called them terrorists who want to destroy our way of life more often?
Oh! And not only that, but there are all these whistleblowers telling people all about private stuff Donald Trump does that no one is supposed to know about -- like when he picks fights with the Australian Prime Minister or threatens to invade Mexico!
LaPierre then notes that “100 years ago, if you eavesdropped and published the affairs of the head of state, you would have been tracked down and hanged for treason.” In a peaceful and non-violent way, we are sure.
Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse