Let's Giggle At John Boehner's Drunky Cry Faces Some More. Your Weekly Top Ten.
The pope has changed my life!
Oh hi, Wonkers! Did you miss the BIG BREAKING NEWS about how John Boehner is going away? Yes, it is hilarious, and yes, yr Wonkette understands that his replacement will be far worse, but just in case the end of Boehner's reign in Congress also spells the end of us getting to see his weepy man face all the time, let's use this week's top ten to revisit some of our favorites, mixed in with the week's top stories and the housekeeping we always have to do on Sunday, SINCE YOU PEOPLE ARE SO FUCKING MESSY.
Oh here's a Boehner pic!
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Okay, here are the top ten stories of the week, chosen as usual by science. Maybe you are reading them the first time! Maybe you are John Boehner and you can't read anything due to how your eyes are filled with tears!
1. We're already doing Boehner crying pics, but if you need MORE, your top story of the week, by far, was Wonkette's photo gallery of Boehner crying all over the pope.
2. Know that thing about how Carly Fiorina is a liar? She is a liar, and everybody knows it. Even Fox News.
3. Hey, great news! TLC is going to put the Duggars on the TV some more, so they can continue to perv up our TV screens! What kind of scandals will they think of next?
4. Oh, the fateful day we met Martin Shkreli, the biggest douchebag pharma CEO in all of U.S. America. That was your number four story!
5. Remember how we told you a million times that dumb a-hole Scott Walker will never be president? It's true!
Halfway through! Let's look at another John Boehner cry-face:
6. Dumb Tennessee Republicans have a new plan to ban gay marriage. Surprise, it is a really dumb plan.
7. Bristol Palin is in seventh place for the second week in a row! Poor Bristol, she is such A Idiot. Anyway, this week it's because she's so GRRRR MAD at Obama for doing something he didn't even do, GRRRRRR.
8. There was an update on the story about the douchebag pharma CEO, who has a very punchy face. He said he would "drop" the price of the AIDS drug. By how much? Who knows? Is he still an asshole? AYUP.
9. Ted Cruz sure wishes the pope shared his fetish for killing people.
10. And finally, the number ten story is about how the pope makes wingnuts sad, in their no-no places, because he doesn't pamper to their insatiable hunger for bigotry and stupidity. AWWWWW, sorry wingnuts, New Pope kinda hates your guts.
So there you go, Wonkers. Those are your winning stories. They are very good stories! In honor of them, here is a picture of John Boehner holding his monkey:
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One last Boehner pic? Of course we will! Here's one of him making out with you, through your computer screen. Ooh, you like that, ooh:
Okay, we're going to go lay around and watch football now. See you Monday!