Oh hey, totally normal day, cruising around Twitter dot com, checkin' out the hottest hashtags, learning about Big Dick Energy and how Pete Davidson, 10-inch-dicked (allegedly!) sexytime pal of Ariana Grande, totally has it. Wait, what's this tweet about?


Well, that is weird! The link definitely does take us to the Department of Homeland Security website, to an article with a 14-word headline that says this:

Fuckin' weird, right? If you are not familiar with neo-Nazi lingo, the ADL explains it pretty succinctly. The "14 words" are a white supremacist/Nazi slogan that says "We must secure the existence of our people and a future for white children." Scum of the earth Nazis really really really love that slogan.

So is this all just a coincidence? Well, we guess it could be. We are sure Wonkette has written a 14-word headline at some point in the past, though it probably said "Sarah Palin Also Too Turkey Grinder Halfwit Derp Derp Derp ALL OF THEM KATIE!" It definitely didn't start with "We Must Secure." But maybe the DHS's style editor wrote that headline, completely ignorant of the implications, judging that the original -- "THE MEXICAN RAPISTS ARE COMING! THE MEXICAN RAPISTS ARE COMING! AIYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" or something -- was a little bit too on the nose.

Some people in the comments of that tweet delve deeper into the numerology, noting that the number "88" also shows up in the text of the piece, but in context we think that one is a little bit of a stretch, considering it's just a statistic listed in the article. (88 is often combined with 14, and stands for "Heil Hilter.")

Anyway, does this mean there are actual Nazis at DHS? Well, it's the Trump administration, so it's plausible. And we are able to see with our own eyes how DHS has been acting kinda Nazi ever since Donald Trump usurped power. Maybe whoever wrote that article is just an internet troll, since we know such folks were given preferential treatment in hiring when the Trumpers came to town. Maybe they are just OWNIN' THE LIBS.

Or maybe there are actual Nazis in DHS.

Oh well, go back to whatever you were doing, we're sure it's all fine.

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Photo by Wonkette Operative 'Teecha'

If it's Sunday, this must be Nice Things, our weekly escape from the quotidian awfulness. Our featured doggo this week comes via a photo by Wonkette reader "Teecha," and we don't think Teecha mentioned a name for this lovely old rescue dog. If it is a dog at all: I think it may actually be one of Sia's more inventive disguises, like that time she was a little pony.

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The producers of your favorite live-action Jack Chick pamphlet, "God's Not Dead" -- you know, the one where the Hercules dude plays an evil philosophy professor who tells all of his students on the first day that they are no longer allowed to believe in god? As all secular professors do? -- have come out with a thrilling new movie, all about how abortion is bad or whatever.

The movie tells the "true" story of Abby Johnson, a former Planned Parenthood clinic worker turned professional anti-choicer. Johnson has been a darling of the forced birth circuit ever since she made up ridiculous and provably false reasons for quitting the Planned Parenthood that was about to fire her for being bad at her job.

Basically, she claims that Planned Parenthood was pushing her to make more abortions happen so they could reel in more dough, and also that she witnessed (for the first time ever!) an ultrasound-guided abortion and saw the baby move from the light and then immediately realized that what she was doing was wrong.

The thing is, however -- no ultrasound-guided abortions were performed on the day she said it happened, and the only reason there was an uptick in abortions at her clinic was because they started offering the abortion pill on a daily basis (and had previously only been performing surgical abortions every other Saturday).

As you may have guessed, the movie does not address any of these things. It also looks very, very bad.

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