The day you all feared would come is nigh, Wonkers: Rupert Murdoch is stepping down as CEO of 21st Century Fox and giving the company to his son James, though he will reportedly still be executive chairman of the enterprise and, according to CNBC, will likely "still have the final say on whatever goes on at Fox." WE KNOW, dry your eyes. So many questions! Will Roger Ailes still have a job? Will Fox News continue to suck so hard? (The answers are "probably" and "definitely.")

OK, now that the "news" part of this post is out of the way, let's recall a bunch of times Rupert Murdoch and his various media properties were cretinous shitheads, because really, that's why you read yr Wonkette anyway:

  • That time when Australian Rupert Murdoch's Australian paper The Australian responded to author and Australian national treasure Colleen McCullough's death by publishing an obit about what a chunky lady she was.
  • When Murdoch got real mad at his former wife Wendi Deng for saving him from getting hit in the face with a pie, because she emasculated him and made him feel like a real pussy.
  • Oh yeah, ha ha, Wendi Deng was boning former British PM Tony Blair, in case you forgetted. We guess this bullet point isn't really a bad thing about Rupert Murdoch, but fuck it.
  • Remember when Murdoch's Fox News was ALL EXCITED because, due to their lying and propaganda, Americans were less likely to blame Republicans for the 2013 government shutdown?
  • Murdoch joined Twitter this one time and immediately started making shitbag jokes about how lazy Britishes need to stop going on holiday so much and get to work, the slobs:
  • Oh, wasn't it HILARIOUS when Murdoch was testifying that he had NO IDEA NO SIREE that his British News Of The World was constantly doing phone-hacking, and that it was even encouraged? Also during that hearing, he made a very weird joke about doing buttsex to PM David Cameron, in his butt. And then the whistleblower on the hacking scandal turned up dead soon after, WEIRD.
  • In 2011, it was reported that Murdoch's News Corp. was SUPPOSED to pay $3.6 billion in tax moneys to the federal government, but instead it got a $4.8 billion REFUND, because JOB CREATORS! or something.
  • Rupert Murdoch knows about immigration, because BACK IN HIS DAY, he was an illegal immigrant brown person, something like that, sure thing.
  • Say another Racist on Twitter, Rupert!
  • That one time the New York Times tried to giving dating advice to "newly single" Murdoch, so that maybe he could put his wrinkled up old todger up inside some ladies. Oops, that wasn't a bad thing about Murdoch either, but really, Times, GROSS.
  • Don't get mad at Murdoch, he just thinks Barack Obama is a great big racist, is all.
  • A jolly good time was had by Sarah Palin and Murdoch on Twitter, when she quoted him sex-plaining that America "didn't buy AK 2 protect the moose." Haha, because we bought it for DRILL BABY DRILL, clearly.

OK, let's stop at 11 because we could do this all day and fuck Rupert Murdoch, don't wanna do this all day.

But if YOU need MOAR MURDOCH GROSSNESS, you should throw your own self back this Thursday and read Wonkette's classic children's story, "23 Times Fox News Sh*t The Bed, You Are Welcome." You will be glad you did!


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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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