Let's Take A Fun Look Back At Dumb Things People Said About Trump

Let's Take A Fun Look Back At Dumb Things People Said About Trump

Today's Supreme Court shenanigans remind us that voting for Hillary Clinton shouldn't have just been an easy ask but it was actually in the best interests of humanity.

I'm starting to think we shouldn't have listened to professional media types who are often not just wrong but spectacularly wrong.

LOL! Oh Mags! You're just adorbs, aren't you? The New York Times chief wrongness correspondent wrote this prior to the Indiana GOP primary, when Trump was running against the overtly anti-LGBT Ted Cruz. Even liberal scum like myself might've breathed a sigh of relief when Trump defeated Cruz, who lacked Trump's reported "ease with gay people." (I confess I still sometimes watch Cruz's concession speech as a pick-me-up.) I'm sure the pressing question in the Times newsroom -- rather than "how in bed with Russia is this guy?" -- was whether he'd attend the Pride marches in DC or his home base of New York.

Right! Trump has never even mentioned Pride Month. He posed with a taco bowl for Cinco de Mayo, but he can't be bothered to tweet a picture of himself with a Donna Summer CD? ("Happy Pride! The best pomegranate martinis are made in Trump Tower Grill! I love the homos and queers!") Did the Mike Pence/Hamilton cast stand-off sour him on the pink? Haberman tried to warn us.

However, I think Trump had his anti-LGBT on full Cruz-control from the start: He tapped selected "electric gays" proponent Pence as VP, tried to ban transgender people from serving in the military, and has since praised anti-LGBT Supreme Court decisions.

The "Baker" has a name. I don't know why Trump went all Karen Walker on him. I think Haberman's mistake was one so many made, which was to view Trump as the "wacky NY celebrity" rather than someone who could pose a serious threat. You know, this guy: Does this lover of processed cheeseburger products look like the warden of kiddie prisons to you?

I miss Grimace. He was such a moderating influence on the administration. Anyway, I could forgive the press this major error if it wasn't still doubling down and claiming we're all just riding the silly train for worrying about the nice little Constitutional democracy we had going for a while.

The Washington Post's Megan McArdle gave a Twitter lecture Monday on how unbreakable American democracy is and how we'd "survive" Trump like we survive our just-dumped friends singing "I Will Survive" at karaoke.

I doubt Trump is dumb enough to just "cancel the election," and if he did, the woman whose dining habits the chattering classes holds sacred would just pull an Orwell and claim we'd never had elections on Tuesdays in years that end with "20." Then Maxine Waters might say something harsh, and we'd just talk somberly about that for a while. No, Trump is more likely to borrow from his man crush Putin and happily participate in a sham election he easily wins. The Supreme Court has already aided that effort. Why bother cancelling elections when you can just cancel (POC) voters?

That reminds me: Justice Scalia didn't just keel over during Trump's inauguration, which I feared Justice Ginsburg might. Scalia had died almost a year earlier, when the Muslim was still president. Why was the seat still vacant for Trump to replace with the right wing Neil Gorsuch? You can thank Senator Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (and Dems who didn't show up in 2014), who flat-out refused to hold hearings for still-president Barack Obama's pick Merrick Garland. This kick in the groin to the majority who elected Obama twice to do things like nominate Supreme Court judges was met with a collective shrug. Now, the current conservative majority, which shouldn't constitutionally exist, is approving clearly racially motivated gerrymandering and Muslim bans -- the latter an endorsement of presidential powers that Trump is likely to notice.

Speaking of people we shouldn't listen to: Remember when Susan Sarandon claimed that Trump's election would "bring the revolution"?

Dammit Janet, it's been 522 days? Where's that revolution? We're waiting. I'm curious as to what an acceptable "revolution" would resemble if we can't kneel, ask people to leave restaurants, or protest outside their swanky apartments. Maybe that's what's holding it up. Well, let us know when that nice big fluffy bunny of a revolution turns up for Republicans to still fault for the decline in our public discourse.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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