Donate

So many Easter eggs, you're gonna get sick of Easter eggs.


It's a day in the Trump administration, which means it's as good a time as any to fuck something up. Lucky for the White House, today is the annual White House Easter Egg Roll, which was SO FUN during the Obama years. Thousands of kiddies would join Beyoncé and Michelle Obama and President Bamz, who would read Where The Wild Things Are and make monster faces at them, and they would eat some ham probably, and then do the dumb thing where they roll Easter eggs, instead of just hunting for them. Whatever. It was great.

But now a new administration is in town, and it is bad at everything. Also, it does not seem to understand that, on top of all the fun things about presidenting, like MAKE BOMB GO BOOM, it is also supposed to continue longstanding traditions like the egg roll doohickey event. We've already heard the stories about how oopsie, they kind of didn't even start planning this event until two weeks ago, since Melania Trump, who is theoretically first lady but lives in Manhattan, isn't doing shit and the East Wing isn't staffed.

But look, it's fine. They pulled it together, Melania picked FOUR DIFFERENT COLOR EGGS, and also gold eggs, because it wouldn't be a Trump event if there wasn't a tacky gold thing. Can you imagine picking four different colors, for eggs? Melania Trump can, because she did it.

To get an idea of how much joy is being spread to children young and old at today's event, here is Attorney General Jeff Sessions, reading the book It's Not Easy Being A Bunny to some kids, but then stopping to tell the kids Donald Trump was walking out on the balcony. Oh look! There he is! And also there is Melon Trump! And SOMEBODY is dressed up as the Easter Bunny! Is it Sean Spicer? No, that is Sean Spicer's OLD job. Now he lies for the president and talks about how Hitler's Six Flags Over The Holocaust Centers weren't as bad as what the Syrian president, Bessie Al-Bashir or whatever his name is, does to his people.

Is the Easter bunny Jared Kushner? Is it Satan incarnate AKA President Bannon? IT IS A MYSTERY!

Then a military lady sang the national anthem, and Melania had to subtly smack her husband to remind him to put his hand on his heart, because that is a thing you do when somebody is singing the national anthem:

Then Trump addressed the crowd and said he will make Easter Egg Rolls great again. For real, he was actually talking about how he's really getting the country back on track, right on schedule, flanked by the Easter Bunny, while he talked to children. Then Melania Trump said thanks for coming or whatever, and then they went back in the palace.

A bit later, Trump sat and colored with some little girls or something. He probably didn't think about how if they were a few years older, he might be dating them, but maybe he did:

This morning, Sean Spicer also read to the children. He read How To Catch The Easter Bunny! He did not accidentally deny the Holocaust for the children:

As we finish writing you this post, Melania Trump is reading a book written by celebrated author Kathie Lee Gifford. She's doing fine, and she looks very pretty.

At some point Trump himself will "read" to the children, according to CNN. But what will he "read"? Penthouse letters? The Art Of The Deal? A special inspirational book penned for the occasion by the president himself, called Oh, The Pusses You Will Grab? No, silly, he will save that for when he does the commencement speech at Liberty University or whatever.

We guess we will just have to be patient and wait to find out what book the president will sound out for the children, if he even does it.

For now, we will leave you with a real president and a real first lady, reading Where The Wild Things Are, and pretend for a moment that things are not terrible:

Wonkette is fully funded by readers like you! You should click the buttons below, to fund us!

[CNN]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

$
Donate with CC
Photo by Daniel Stockman, Creative Commons license 2.0

It's Sunday, and that means it's time for a break from the ongoing grind of awfulness out there. Let's dive into some cool, funny, thoughtful stuff to fortify ourselves before we get back to the daily madness, shall we?

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

After watching President Arty McDeals twist in the wind for a month, IRL politician Mitch McConnell finally decided to throw the mook a lifeline. Despite constant screaming about women with duct tape over their mouths, Trump is getting blamed for the shutdown and even his own supporters are starting to turn on him. So Ol' Yertle summoned Mike Pence and Jared Kushner to his chambers for some #RealTalk.

"Tell Donald that he has to offer something so it looks like the Democrats are the ones who won't compromise." He said. (Probably.)

"That's great," squeaked young Jared (allegedly), "Democrats are desperate. We've got them right where we want them." McConnell blinked hard.

"No, Jared," he probably said. "They're not going to take the deal. We'd have more luck getting Mexico to pay for it. The point is to offer something silly so they turn us down, and then we try to convince the public that the shutdown is Democrats' fault."

"I don't get it," said Jared (allegedly), as Mother's boy Pence furrowed his brow and sighed through his nose. (Not allegedly, it's his signature move.)

"I know," Mitch might have said. "Believe me, I know."

Which is how President Teleprompter wound up giving a MAJOR ADDRESS yesterday offering to hold off on deporting some of the Dream Act kids for a hot second if Democrats will just give him $5.7 billion for WALL and let him expel future child arrivals without a hearing. Trump himself rescinded protections for up to a million immigrants brought here as kids as soon as he took office, but he'll let some of those hostages go if Democrats will just give him cash for that WALL that Mexico is "indirectly" paying for. Heck, he'll even let 300,000 people who fled war and natural disasters and put down roots here over decades to stay a little longer, if that's what it takes. He plans to deport them all in three years anyway, or else use them for another round of hostage negotiations. (If we re-elect That Orange Idiot, spit on the ground/sign of the horns/God forbid.)

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc