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So many Easter eggs, you're gonna get sick of Easter eggs.


It's a day in the Trump administration, which means it's as good a time as any to fuck something up. Lucky for the White House, today is the annual White House Easter Egg Roll, which was SO FUN during the Obama years. Thousands of kiddies would join Beyoncé and Michelle Obama and President Bamz, who would read Where The Wild Things Are and make monster faces at them, and they would eat some ham probably, and then do the dumb thing where they roll Easter eggs, instead of just hunting for them. Whatever. It was great.

But now a new administration is in town, and it is bad at everything. Also, it does not seem to understand that, on top of all the fun things about presidenting, like MAKE BOMB GO BOOM, it is also supposed to continue longstanding traditions like the egg roll doohickey event. We've already heard the stories about how oopsie, they kind of didn't even start planning this event until two weeks ago, since Melania Trump, who is theoretically first lady but lives in Manhattan, isn't doing shit and the East Wing isn't staffed.

But look, it's fine. They pulled it together, Melania picked FOUR DIFFERENT COLOR EGGS, and also gold eggs, because it wouldn't be a Trump event if there wasn't a tacky gold thing. Can you imagine picking four different colors, for eggs? Melania Trump can, because she did it.

To get an idea of how much joy is being spread to children young and old at today's event, here is Attorney General Jeff Sessions, reading the book It's Not Easy Being A Bunny to some kids, but then stopping to tell the kids Donald Trump was walking out on the balcony. Oh look! There he is! And also there is Melon Trump! And SOMEBODY is dressed up as the Easter Bunny! Is it Sean Spicer? No, that is Sean Spicer's OLD job. Now he lies for the president and talks about how Hitler's Six Flags Over The Holocaust Centers weren't as bad as what the Syrian president, Bessie Al-Bashir or whatever his name is, does to his people.

Is the Easter bunny Jared Kushner? Is it Satan incarnate AKA President Bannon? IT IS A MYSTERY!

Then a military lady sang the national anthem, and Melania had to subtly smack her husband to remind him to put his hand on his heart, because that is a thing you do when somebody is singing the national anthem:

Then Trump addressed the crowd and said he will make Easter Egg Rolls great again. For real, he was actually talking about how he's really getting the country back on track, right on schedule, flanked by the Easter Bunny, while he talked to children. Then Melania Trump said thanks for coming or whatever, and then they went back in the palace.

A bit later, Trump sat and colored with some little girls or something. He probably didn't think about how if they were a few years older, he might be dating them, but maybe he did:

This morning, Sean Spicer also read to the children. He read How To Catch The Easter Bunny! He did not accidentally deny the Holocaust for the children:

As we finish writing you this post, Melania Trump is reading a book written by celebrated author Kathie Lee Gifford. She's doing fine, and she looks very pretty.

At some point Trump himself will "read" to the children, according to CNN. But what will he "read"? Penthouse letters? The Art Of The Deal? A special inspirational book penned for the occasion by the president himself, called Oh, The Pusses You Will Grab? No, silly, he will save that for when he does the commencement speech at Liberty University or whatever.

We guess we will just have to be patient and wait to find out what book the president will sound out for the children, if he even does it.

For now, we will leave you with a real president and a real first lady, reading Where The Wild Things Are, and pretend for a moment that things are not terrible:

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[CNN]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Robbin Young. Fair use so we can all see the boob picture she sent to her 12 true loves.

Robbin Young starred in the Roger Moore masterpiece For Your Eyes Only as the seventh female lead, "Girl in Flower Shop." She also starred in a bunch of Playboys, and the DM's of a humble Romanian hacker who stole her heart. But he was not a humble Romanian hacker, he was 12 Russian military intelligence officers in a trench coat. And now Young has shared those DMs and pictures of her buzzies with the Sun, because that's the one that's fookin' classy.

See how she loved! See how Guccifer ghosted her ass! See how she loves him (them) still! See how she was all up in Seth Rich and shit! (We think Young's judgment might not be awesome.) Also she wrote this "erotic poem," and we're going to need you to read it.

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And now it is time for your weekly reminder that in the Trump era, FUCKING APESHIT OUTRAGE WORKS.

On Monday, Donald Trump, the transactional president who for some godforsaken reason sees Vladimir Putin has his one true father, discussed making an Art Of The Deal with Russia that involved letting Robert Mueller interrogate the Russian spies who hacked America in 2016 (with Russian supervision, of course, in Russia) in exchange for sending Putin whichever American citizens hurt Putin's poor fragile butthurt pansy-ass feelings the past several years. One of Putin's targets is Michael McFaul, the former ambassador to Russia, whom Putin just hates. Hillary Clinton isn't on the official list yet, but give it a few weeks.

On Wednesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders looked at reporters and told them Trump's people were considering the idea, but hadn't decided yet, because it's so hard for the Trump administration to decide how many treasons to do per week.

But hooray! The White House has decided that, after literally every American with a patriotic bone in his or her body said, "THE FUCK YOU SAY," they will not send Americans to Putin's gulag after all. The Washington Post reports:

The White House announced Trump's opposition Thursday as the Senate prepared to vote on a resolution telling the president not to honor Putin's request, which would have exposed former U.S. ambassador Michael McFaul, among others, to Russian questioning.

"It is a proposal that was made in sincerity by President Putin, but President Trump disagrees with it," White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement.

Oh my fucking Lord, Shuckabee, did you really type that Putin's offer was "sincere," or did Donald grab the statement after you finished with it and add those words in illiterate Sharpie in the margins, along with "DOES NOT MEAN PUTIN IS NOT MY BEST FRIEND" and "NO COLLUSION"?

By the way, that resolution passed the Senate with flying colors:

WOMP WOMP, Trump! Sorry American freedom and democracy stepped all over your dick again! Guarantee it's gonna happen again! Go fuck yourself! Enjoy the 48 Big Macs you have for dinner tonight! Don't talk directly into the soccer ball Putin gave you, 'less you want it to talk back to you in Russian!

OK post over.

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[Washington Post]

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