Last week, Lev Parnas petitioned Judge J. Paul Oetken of the Southern District of New York for "modification of the terms of his pre-trial release, to allow him to leave his home daily from 8:00 am to 5:00 pm, provided that he avoids airports, boat docks or train terminals." Prosecutors countered by asking the court to revoke Parnas's bail because he's a liarfuckingliar who "made materially misleading and false statements to Pretrial Services and the Government regarding his assets and income." Which is a really, really stupid thing to do when the government is so far up your ass they probably have a bug in your brain that knows your thoughts before you think them. Luckily no one ever accused Lev Parnas of being too brilliant for his own good!

Parnas, who successfully got his bail reduced from $1 million to $200,000 by pleading poverty, gave prosecutors three different versions of his finances. None of these versions included the $1 million his wife Svetlana received in September from a bank account in Russia, whoops! Parnas also told the government that he was paid $50,000 by Victoria Toensing and Joe diGenova for "legal work" on Ukrainian natural gas oligarch Dmitry Firtash's case. In fact, the hairballs paid him $200,000, which also wound up in Svetlana's account. And he forgot to mention that Svetlana sent $200,000 of that money to a bank in Florida to hold in escrow for the purchase of a $4.5 million house, which meant she could get it back if the sale fell through. So now Svetlana and Lev, parents of a toddler, are both in legal jeopardy. NOT SMART.

The identity of "Foreign National-1" isn't yet clear, but prosectors' reference to "a Ukrainian oligarch living in Vienna who is currently fighting extradition to this country" is Dmitry Firtash.

In addition, Parnas's close ties abroad include connections to Russian and Ukrainian nationals of nearly limitless means, including Foreign National-1 and a Ukrainian oligarch living in Vienna who is currently fighting extradition to this country. Parnas has proven adept at gaining access to foreign funding: in the last three years, Parnas received in excess of $1.5 million from Ukrainian and Russian sources. In sum, given Parnas's significant, high-level connections to powerful and wealthy Ukrainians and at least one Russian national, he could quickly and easily flee the United States for Ukraine or another foreign country, and recoup the security posted to his bond. It is difficult to overstate the extreme flight risk that Parnas poses.

YIKES. Looks like Parnas is pretty shady. Who would do business with that ----

LOL, just kidding! Check out this Wall Street Journal video essay on Rudy Giuliani's business relationship with Parnas's Fraud Guarantee company.

In a September 2018 investor letter, Parnas and his partner David Correia laid out a plan to pay Rudy and his company Giuliani Partners between one and two million dollars in the first year for "consulting." Giuliani would also get "single-digit equity participation," i.e. an ownership stake in Fraud Guarantee of less than 10 percent to ensure "skin in the game."

The company would be just like LifeLock, which sells identity theft protection and once paid Rudy for his exquisite shilling services, except different because Fraud Guarantee would do, ummm, something .....????

This technology isolates reputational concerns for a given entity and its principles. If people are talking about fraudulent activity, we will know about it. The reporting and analytics provide positive/negative trending of content regarding individuals, funds, or companies that an Investor may be contemplating investing in. While background checks are helpful looking into the past, we provide "real time" assessments as to what is happening today.

That's from the company website, which is, amazingly, still live. No wonder they only budgeted $100,000 to $200,000 for development costs -- there doesn't appear to be a real product here. And yet the pitch worked! The WSJ's Shelby Holliday got the prospectus from an investor who forked over $250,000 to get in on the ground for this indispensable yet indescribable product.

But that's not even the weirdest part! Please forgive the terrible screenshot, but you actually DO have to see this.

Artist Artem Mirolevich confirmed to the Journal that the investor cut the check "after Parnas told him he could do him a favor" (though!) and get this picture, available in print for $100 on Mirolevich's website, in front of the president.

Parnas allegedly said he could promote this painting and its concept for a Middle East peace platform to Trump himself. It was commissioned by the investor and portrayed his idea to construct a third temple over Jerusalem.

Now, on the one hand, THAT'S INSANE. On the other hand, it's about as real as Jared Kushner's vaunted Middle East plan. So ... hell, knock yourself out. Make it official US policy!

In summary and in conclusion, Rudy Giuliani is a hot mess who was willing to take cash from literally anyone, Parnas is probably headed back to the hoosegow, the SDNY has a shitload of cards left to play, and most importantly Democrats should never, under any circumstances, rely on Lev Parnas's word in their case against Donald Trump.

Oh, and also peace in the Middle East is at hand. HOSANNA!

[Gov't. Response to Parnas Bail Motion]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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