Lev Parnas Wants To Sing Like A Canary. Also Like Sister Sledge.
Chucklefucker Lev Parnas may be down, but he's still got a mean kick. While Rudy Giuliani's onetime Ukraine fixer is cooling his heels on house arrest awaiting trial, the entire GOP establishment is shouting in unison I DON'T KNOW HER. To which Parnas's lawyer Joseph Bondy replied, "Stop, Hammer time!" (Wonkers? Volume UP!)
Not an MC Hammer fan? Sister Sledge more your style? Parnas has a plan for that!
How you livin', Jared and Vanky?
And it's not only embarrassing photos that are coming out. As the court processes Parnas's seized phone records, it has okayed the second batch for release to Adam Schiff's House Intelligence Committee. Which is a bit awkward, since it's pretty likely that Ranking Member Devin Nunes's hoofprints are all over them. Remember that Parnas, Giuliani, hairball lawyers Victoria Toensing and Joe diGenova, disgraced journalist John Solomon, and Nunes's henchman Derek Harvey were all in that Joe Biden Ukraine smear working group that met in the back room at Trump's DC hotel last summer and fall.
Here's hoping Devin doesn't get his udders stuck in the wringer on this one! Or any of the other Gippers who think they're going to talk shit about impeachment without having it come back to bite them in the ass.
Although Parnas initially refused to cooperate with the House impeachment inquiry and was arrested at Dulles airport carrying a one-way ticket to Vienna, he had a change of heart when he found out that Trump told reporters in August, "I don't know those gentlemen. Maybe they were clients of Rudy." So now Bondy is pushing hard for Parnas to testify in the House, although he clearly wants an immunity deal. Unfortunately, his client is the least reliable witness this side of Michael Cohen, which is probably why we haven't heard from him yet. Although at this rate, we'll be seeing him testify from a karaoke bar on Facebook Live.
But even if we don't get to see Parnas sing for his supper, it's pretty clear that all his communications are going to come out. The Wall Street Journal reports, "Among the messages Mr. Parnas's lawyer has turned over to the committee are exchanges he had with Mr. Giuliani, former Texas Rep. Pete Sessions, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis and former Hill columnist John Solomon, according to people familiar with the matter." The gang's all here! The only one missing is the guest of honor.
CAN'T TOUCH THIS.
Follow Liz Dye (AKA your FDF) on Twitter!
Please click here to help your Wonkette keep keepin' an eye on these grifty sumbitches!
Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.