Donate

We don't know how to tell you this, but Lindsey Graham is being a disingenuous fuckstool again.

On the very same day EU Ambassador/Trump ball-licker Gordon Sondland amended his testimony because he had a sudden epiphany that included a recollection of the Trump quid pro quo with Ukraine that he, Gordon Sondland, personally helped deliver, Graham said I DO DECLARE that he's not even going to read the new transcripts coming out, because SHUT UP IS WHY.

Anything else, Linds?

Oooooh, Donald Trump hates it when people say he's too stupid to commit crimes.

Wonder why Lindsey Graham is being like this.

Could it be because Sondland, who was supposed to be Trump's star witness, "amended" his testimony on Tuesday to admit that not only was there a quid pro quo, but he participated in it? And could it be also that the confirmation of the quid pro quo also confirms the commission of the underlying crime Trump is being impeached for, namely that he was extorting another country to meddle in the 2020 election on his behalf?

COULD IT BE THAT, LINDSEY?


Here's the thing. Lindsey Graham told the NSFW Axios After Dark HBO show mere weeks ago that, "If you could show me that, you know, Trump actually was engaging in a quid pro quo, outside the phone call, that would be very disturbing." He added that he doesn't think the transcript itself shows a quid pro quo, because guess Hooked On Phonics didn't work for him.

But guess what, Lindsey Graham? Gordon Sondland just pulled his panties down and showed you the quid pro quo outside the phone call. LOOK AT MISTER GORDON, LINDSEY! HE AIN'T GOT NO PANTIES ON!

Here is Lindsey Graham saying for certain back in September that Trump didn't withhold aid from Ukraine in order to extort President Volodymyr Zelenskiy into investigating Trump's political opponents, which happens to be exactly what Gordon McPantiesOff confirmed Trump did:

And now Gordon Sondland's amended testimony:

I now recall speaking individually with Mr. (Andriy) Yermak, where I said resumption of US aid would likely not occur until Ukraine provided the public anti-corruption statement that we had been discussing for many weeks.

And that wasn't the only time the message was delivered, Lindsey Graham, you maundering dipshit. Aaron Blake at the Washington Post put together six times the quid pro quo has been publicly confirmed. Of course, Trump has also confessed, so ... and Mick Mulvaney has confessed, so ...

Anyway, this is clearly why Lindsey Graham is saying "NOOOOO!" and "I HATE THIS WHOLE SCHOOL!" and "YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD!" and stomping off into his bedroom and getting under the covers with his butt in the air and yelling "YOU CAN'T SEE ME BECAUSE I'M SLEEPING RIGHT NOW!" It is a very sad display for a 64-year-old man.

(Sidenote, because we just looked it up. Graham is only 64? Holy shit, being Donald Trump's fluffer sure does age the jowls!)

The plot is obvious, and in everyone's face, and it's exactly what lots of other Republicans have offered as a hypothetical these past several weeks, like, "Well, if Trump did THAT, then THAT would be real bad!" Here is a funny tweet showing "Fox & Friends" useful idiot Steve Doocy saying back in September that if Trump did this exact quid pro quo with Ukraine, it would be "off the rails wrong," via Peter Weber over at The Week:

Yes, Steve Doocy, it is "off the rails wrong"! It's also illegal and impeachable.

Kellyanne Conway also had some idiot-ass lie-thoughts about all this business on the "Fox & Friends" this morning. Her entire argument seems to be that Donald Trump SAID "no quid pro quo" on the phone with Gordon Sondland, therefore Gordon Sondland delivering the quid pro quo on Trump's behalf in Warsaw doesn't count, because didn't Kellyanne Conway just clearly explain that Trump said "no quid pro quo"?

Also she is mad because Sondland is merely "presuming" that Trump meant to do a quid pro quo, and you can't impeach somebody because "one witness says my interpretation was X" and "another witness says I presumed Y." After that she started babbling about how the whistleblower wasn't on the call (irrelevant, the whistleblower's complaint has been confirmed by like nine million people) and we don't know what else because we turned it off.

Here's the thing for assholes named Kellyanne Conway: Nobody is "interpreting X" or "presuming Y" here. They're all in agreement. Everybody is "presuming X" because it was obviously fucking "X" and "X" marks the fucking goddamned quid pro quo.

And Sondland -- again, a Trump lover if there ever was one, to the point that he became the actual ambassador to the EU, which is a real job, because he bought that position with a million-dollar donation to the Trump inaugural -- not only presumed the quid pro quo, HE FUCKING HAND-DELIVERED IT TO UKRAINIAN OFFICIAL ANDRIY YERMAK ON SEPTEMBER 1, 2019, IN WARSAW!

By the way, Adam Schiff has just scheduled acting ambassador to Ukraine Bill Taylor and former ambassador Marie "Masha" Yovanovitch for PUBLIC testimony next week, yes we said PUBLIC.

Can't wait to watch these assholes squirm.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!

Wonkette is fully funded by readers like YOU. If you love Wonkette, SUPPORT WONKETTE FINANCIALLY.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc