Southern gentleman Lindsey Graham would like all y'all to kindly leave his state of South Carolina and its proud heritage alone. Sure, some people think it's despicable that the Confederate freak flag still flies over the state capitol -- because the South shall rise again, or at least spend more than a century being real damn bitter about that time it got its ass kicked by the United States and couldn't have slaves anymore, BOO HOO, and then it was forced to integrate its pools and schools, so unfair.

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But hey. Listen. There are much more important things happening right now, in South Carolina and the world, than whether the state continues to officially endorse a blatant symbol of racism:

At the end of the day, it's time for people in South Carolina to -- to revisit that decision would be fine with me. But this is part of who we are. The flag represents to some people a Civil War, and that was the symbol of one side, to others it's a racist symbol. And it's been used by people, it's been used in a racist way.

But the problems we have in South Carolina and throughout the world are not because of a movie or symbols -- cuz what's in people's heart.

That's funny coming from the same guy who insists we cannot possibly beat ISIS unless we call those guys "radical Islamic terrorists," which is not symbolic, no sir, because name-calling our enemies is real and effective strategery! And besides, that flag is a part of our history, so what are we supposed to do -- not celebrate it?

You know, how do you go back and reconstruct America? What do we do in terms of our history? I think the answer is that we move forward in a balanced way, that we make sure that the compromise in South Carolina works here.

And what does Graham consider a balanced approach to recognizing the South's history?

"There's a Confederate war memorial out front," he said, "and there's an African American memorial." See, white people can have their memorial, and black people can have their own separate memorial. What a fair and equal compromise!

It's not as if we'd expect any hint of racial awareness from the guy who promised to be a great president for rich white men. But, you know, as a joke, wink wink! Still, Graham isn't joking this time, we don't think. He simply has no idea how stupid he sounds, insisting that the state's "compromise" works just fine, as far as he's concerned. Which is a hell of a thing for him to say only days after a fellow South Carolinian whose license plates also celebrate the Confederate flag murdered nine African Americans, in their church, to start a race war. Not that Graham necessarily believes race had anything to do with that. Maybe it's one of those War on Christians things! (FYI, it isn't.)

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But hey. Listen. The compromise is working, so stay out of it, rest of America. Everyone wins this way, with a flag for noble white Southerners like Graham who are just real proud of their "heritage," and a separate but equal African American memorial for the "others" who might consider the flag racist, but that's just because they haven't heard the good news that it isn't. Really.

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Just this past week, US News ranked Alabama 49th in the nation for education, with the lowest overall reading and math scores. They probably would have ranked 50th, but there was no data for their high school graduation rates.

The five states ranked best in the country for education were Massachusetts, New Jersey, New Hampshire, Vermont, and Connecticut, in that order.

Also, this week, the Alabama House passed a bill that would make it a punishable crime for doctors to refuse to treat babies "born alive" after abortion.

HB 491 reads:

If a child is born alive following an abortion or attempted abortion, the physician who performed the abortion or attempted the abortion shall exercise the same degree of professional skill, care, and diligence to preserve the life and health of the child as a reasonably diligent and conscientious physician would render to any other child born alive at the same gestational age. Failure to do so is a Class 23 B felony and is punishable by not less than 20 years in state prison and a fine of not less than one hundred thousand dollars ($100,000).

More than 90 percent of abortions occur before 13 weeks. Only 1.3 percent of abortions occur after 21 weeks. The current law in Alabama -- not the horrorshow that just passed -- prohibits abortion after 23 weeks. Premature births at 22 weeks have a 0-3 percent survival rate, and premature "births" at 21 weeks have a survival rate of 0 percent.

There are not babies being "born alive" after abortions and then left to die because no one wants them. That's not a damn thing, and even when pressed, Alabama Republicans could not come up with a single example of this having happened. They just feel in their hearts that it does.

What can happen, rarely, is a medical situation where doctors must induce labor because the mother's life is at risk. In these cases, the children are wanted, but do not always survive because -- as mentioned just one paragraph ago -- the survival rates on premature babies are not great. That being said, federal law states that as soon as someone is born, they're a person, and therefore entitled to all rights thereof. One of those rights is that no one can kill you, legally. Doctors have an obligation to save lives, but when there is a situation—regardless of how old the person is!!!—where the patient has no chance of survival, the next of kin is given the option to continue or not continue with life-saving efforts. That is how things work.

It's almost as if there is some kind of connection between passing a law this stupid and having the worst reading comprehension skills in the nation.

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Well, lordy Jesus, that was 10 minutes of our life we're never going to get back.

A few minutes ago, all the reporters on Twitter started saying, "Um, we are getting called to the Rose Garden and we don't know why." Democrats were supposed to be meeting with Trump about Infrastructure Week, but instead, this was happening:

Hooray! There was a sign in the Rose Garden! It said how big the Mueller Investigation was! And most importantly the Mueller Investigation said NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION, PREZNIT TRUMP GOOD, NOT A RUSSIAN.

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