Lindsey Graham Only Supports Impeachment For Seditious Blow Jobs, Not Violent Insurrections

Impeachment

Lindsey Graham was off the Trump train before he ran alongside it like a movie hobo and heaved himself back on. South Carolina's most shameless senator strongly opposes his golf buddy Donald Trump's second impeachment. Sure, Trump might've incited a mob last week that attacked the Capitol and killed five people, including a police officer, but ... uh ... seriously, we have no idea why he's still in office. Graham reassures us that Trump probably won't coup again so we should just let it drop for the sake of UNITY!

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We've discussed why Graham is full of shit about Trump's commitment to an “orderly transfer of power." Let's focus now on Mahatma Trump's apparent rejection of violence. Tuesday, he emerged from his spider hole and declared that he regrets nothing about his unhinged rant before the Capitol siege. He agreed with the voices in his head many people who have “analyzed" his speech and agree that it was “totally appropriate."


That means he still believes the election was rigged “like they've never rigged an election before." He still thinks he won the election in a landslide and that Joe Biden lost big and will be an illegitimate president if permitted (wink, wink) to take office. He also thinks it was “totally appropriate" to draw large red targets on the backs of Congress with the following garbage:

TRUMP: Today, we see a very important event though, because right over there, right there, we see the event going to take place. And I'm going to be watching, because history is going to be made. We're going to see whether or not we have great and courageous leaders or whether or not we have leaders that should be ashamed of themselves throughout history, throughout eternity, they'll be ashamed. And you know what? If they do the wrong thing, we should never ever forget that they did. Never forget. We should never ever forget. With only three of the seven states in question, we win the presidency of the United States.

Lies, threats, and no regrets ... that's your doubly impeached soon-to-be-former President Donald Trump.

Graham has not only witnessed a president express genuine remorse for his actions, but he impeached him anyway. Bill Clinton was impeached (just the once) in December 1998 for reasons that even then seemed comically absurd. A few months earlier, Clinton admitted to having an affair with former White House intern Monica Lewinsky, who wasn't a Russian agent or anything. There was no post-beej exchange of state secrets.

Clinton wasn't happy about fessing up to America because he knew Hillary was watching and the shit was gonna get thick. However, he still took responsibility for his inappropriate behavior, something Trump is fundamentally incapable of doing.

CLINTON: Indeed, I did have a relationship with Miss Lewinsky that was not appropriate. In fact, it was wrong. It constituted a critical lapse in judgment and a personal failure on my part for which I am solely and completely responsible. [...]

I know that my public comments and my silence about this matter gave a false impression. I misled people, including even my wife. I deeply regret that.

Clinton let us know he thought the independent counsel investigation into whatever bad land deal he'd made with Hillary was partisan garbage. But he admitted he screwed up and said he'd do whatever it took to make it right. Trump accepts no responsibility for the violence he incited.

People still thought Clinton wasn't contrite enough, and he actually agreed! He went on a full-blown fellatio apology tour and during a breakfast with religious leaders, Clinton said, “I don't think there is a fancy way to say that I have sinned." (Clinton should've read more Nathaniel Hawthorne.)

CLINTON: It is important to me that everybody who has been hurt know that the sorrow I feel is genuine.

He went on to personally apologize to his wife and family, Monica Lewinsky and her family, his friends, his Cabinet, and the American people. It's important to stress for those who might not recall but these were non-fatal blow jobs. No one died. No one was physically injured.

But in 1999, during Clinton's Senate trial, Graham still argued HIGH CRIMES.

GRAHAM: What's a high crime? How about an important person hurting somebody of low means? It's not very scholarly, but I think it's the truth. I think that's what they meant by high crimes. Doesn't even have to be a crime. It's just when you start using your office and you're acting in a way that hurts people, you've committed a high crime.

Election officials whose names you probably didn't know three months ago have received death threats because of Trump's lies. American democracy was undermined, perhaps irrevocably, and the US Capitol breached for the first time in centuries because of Trump's malice. Yet he remains unrepentant, and Graham still remains in his back pocket.

[Rev.com/ USA Today]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).

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