DC News FOX 5 DC WTTG

Guys! You remember new conservative underage heartthrob CJ Pearson, the 12-year-old Georgia kid who made this viral YouTube thing and who just knows that Rudy Giuliani was right that Obama hates ’Murica, because he hasn’t gone sufficiently last-half-of-Man of Steel on ISIS? (Yeah, I know, the president is bombing the shit out of them, details.) This, of course, got Sean Hannity’s America into a tither, because the kid is a) black, which means Even The Blacks are starting to see Obama for who he really is, and b) they always have a hard-on (figuratively!) for preteens who say and/or write dumb, mean things about Obama.

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Well, in addition to filling the GOP’s gaping need for a Fresh Young Face™ — after previous Fresh Young Face™ Jonathan Krohn hit puberty, started reading The New Yorker and trying to get laid, and decided that the talk-radio drivel that informed his earlier political thinking was kinda horseshit — CJ Pearson has also got the Conservative Martyrdom Complex down pat, which will assuredly help him ink a ridiculously lucrative book deal with some intellectually rigorous conservative imprint any day now.

A 12-year-old who captivated conservatives with a viral video about President Obama last month expressed outrage this week after finding out he'd been kicked off Facebook.

CJ Pearson, who made headlines with a YouTube video accusing President Obama of not loving America, told Fox affiliate WTTG on Monday that his theory is that he was locked out of his Facebook account because of his conservative political beliefs.

Or — just a thought here — maybe it’s because Facebook, in an effort to keep impressionable kids away from pervy creepers, prohibits anyone under the age of 13 from joining, and CJ is under the age of 13. Wait … aren’t conservatives supposed to be all about following the rules?

The Georgia middle schooler told the station he thought the explanation was "complete malarkey" because "there are many, many people younger than me" on the site.

"The First Amendment is very clear," he told WTTG. "We have a right to express our opinions regardless of who might disagree. And to silence that voice is a violation of that amendment."

Yeah, kid, listen, I don’t know what they’re teaching you in your middle school, but the First Amendment does not guarantee you the right to a Facebook account, because, see, Facebook is a private company that can make up its own rules. Aren’t conservatives supposed to be all about private enterprise, too? Also, too, is CJ the only 12-year-old in America who uses the word “malarky”? Learn how to swear like a man, kid.

Anyway, CJ is undeterred, and plans to "continue to make as many accounts as possible."

And then Facebook will shut those down, and CJ Pearson’s victimhood will be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Thanks, Obama.