Little Marco Rubio Ain’t Got S**t On Eva Longoria

Eva Longoria, Desperate Housewives starand recipient of my spec script, was the emcee for the first night of the Democratic National Convention. Republicans thought this was hilarious, especially Senator Marco Rubio of Florida.

It's typical but annoying that Republicans enjoy denigrating an entire profession. Actors are also rarely "the elite." They are often just a single big role removed from eating ramen and living in a run-down studio with four other actors. Eva Longoria grew up working class.

Longoria didn't show up Monday dripping in bling and ready for her Norma Desmond closeup. She specifically said: "I am here tonight as a ninth-generation Texan, as a daughter of a veteran and a teacher, as a mother, as a voter, and as a patriot."

But for assholes like Rubio, she's just the actor from this scene.


And yes, it's a damn good scene. (She's also a great comedic actor.)

Little Marco likes to go on about his humble beginnings as the son of Cuban immigrants. His father was a bartender and his mother a housekeeper. Rubio is now a spineless, donor-owned senator. It's the American dream! Longoria's story is similar except for the part where she doesn't suck.

She didn't grow up wealthy. She worked at Wendy's as a teen instead of “selling" lemonade to her household staff like a common Ivanka Trump. Her “big break" was a part on “Young and the Restless," but soap stars aren't wealthy by any measure. Even veteran cast members earn mid-six figures. They aren't poor but they don't spend their evenings lighting cigars with $100 bills, either. When I lived in New York, I knew working actors, hedge fund managers, and corporate lawyers. The actors weren't the rich ones.

Longoria earned millions while on "Desperate Housewives," and conservatives should applaud her class mobility. Instead, they seek to marginalize her because she earned her fortune honestly, unlike the current first family. I assume Donald Trump Jr. and Ivanka Trump will speak at the Republican National Convention and both are rich, entitled twits with zero understanding of the "challenges and obstacles faced by everyday Americans."

Actors are “everyday Americans" and even American citizens. They have the right to express their political opinions, especially now when COVID-19 has devastated their industry.

Republicans have waged this lopsided class war against actors, one of few professions where you could start out with nothing and achieve success. It's also not as if Republicans are all former truckers. Donald Trump was born rich and was gifted a “small loan" of $1 million for his failed business hobby (more like $60.7 million in actual, non-lie currency). But Trump is literally only president because of his celebrity. Middle America knew him best as the host of a reality show. And the party's sainted Ronald Reagan was a former actor.

Maybe Rubio just resents that when celebrities speak at Republican conventions, they address empty chairs.

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Longoria said last night that she shares "Joe Biden's belief that the story of America is one of ordinary people coming together to do extraordinary things. And at our best, our country rewards hard work, we celebrate diversity, we look out for each other, and we lift one another up."

This reflects how Longoria has used her wealth and fame over the past 15 years. She founded the Eva Longoria Foundation, which promotes entrepreneurship and education among Latinas. She's partnered with philanthropist Howard Buffett to provide loans for Latina women who want to start their own small businesses. She's also an immigration activist — despite having deeper roots in the US than Trump himself — and has focused her recent charity work on victims of the administration's family separation policy.

Trump's election terrified Longoria, who fell into a brief depression like so many of us, but she also got back up and fought for a better America.

LONGORIA: I did put my head in the sand. I took a break for about two years. But you can't give up. So when the midterms came along, I participated in helping people get elected to change the way our government looks. It should reflect reality, which is people of color and women. Making sure it reflects society is going to be my lifelong struggle.

Also, Longoria earned her master's in Chicano studies during her run on “Desperate Housewives," so just shut the fuck up forever, Little Marco.


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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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