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DON'T LAUGH YET, HILLZ.


Time for another chapter of the epic graphic novel Wonket is writing, called LOL Hillary Might Win X! The Washington Post and SurveyMonkey did a GREAT BIG POLL, over almost all of August, of 74,000 voters in all 57 states, to get a snapshot of how Hillz and the Dipshit are really doing in their races to the White House. It found interesting things like, if you count all the states where Hillz is "solid" or "leaning" toward a win, she has 244 electoral votes. If you count the same for Fuckface von Trump, he only has 126. Weak! Sad!

But then there are 168 electoral votes worth of "toss-ups," and they are very interesting! Oh, the usual suspects like Florida and Ohio are there, but guess who else is there? NO YOU GUESS! WE'LL GIVE YOU THREE CHANCES TO GUESS, and if Mississippi isn't one of your guesses, you lose this game and do not win any sexxxy whore prizes!

So, check it. In this poll, Trump leads Clinton in Mississippi by TWO POINTS, a 48-46 margin. In a four-way race, Trump leads 46-43, which is still only THREE POINTS. Do we think Mississippi is going to surprise us and be the one that keeps us up late at night like a common "Florida," and eventually propels Hillz to the presidency? Nah, not really, but MAYBE.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/605577/lol-hillary-clinton-might-win-texas-probably-not-but-still-lol"></a>[/wonkbar]Other interesting states on the list are ones we've already covered in our "LOLOL HILLARY" series. As far as two-way races go, Hillary is UP ONE POINT in Texas. She is also up one point in Arizona, and in Georgia they are tied. In all three states, Hillary loses a teensy bit of ground when Johnson and Dr. Oops My Plane Went To The Wrong City are added in, so please continue to talk to your very lovely (we are sure) Jill Stein-supporting friends and be like, "Come the fuck ON, bro."

If you like looking through polls, the full results are right here.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/605545/dead-breitbart-releases-awesome-unskewed-poll-where-hillary-still-wins-take-that-liberals"></a>[/wonkbar]Now, several lamestream media companies are trumpeting new polls that show the race has tightened significantly in the past couple weeks, especially with a CNN poll showing Trump actually slightly ahead nationally, and you know what? It sure might've tightened! We are not racist Breitbart, therefore we do not run pooping our racist panties to #UNSKEWTHEPOLLS when we see a result we don't like.

On the other hand, Nate Silver still gives Hillz a 68.2% chance of winning. On the other other hand, even though things still look pretty fucking good for Hillary, they might not be all blowjobs and taco trucks, the way they were a month ago.

Now is the time, in this final stretch, for all y'all to get out there and do what you can to make sure everybody you ever met in your entire life shows up to vote for Hillary, because otherwise, what is going to happen to America? This:

You do not want that to happen, unless you do, in which case GO THE FUCK AWAY.

[Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Guys! Gals! Non-binaries! Have you gotten around to reading Julia Ioffe's new profile of Donald Trump Jr. in GQ? We have, and it is delicious. Read it for the art alone, which you will have to click over to see for yourself, because we don't want to steal the thunder of this one chap Nigel Buchanan, who drew the most HILARIOUS picture of Dipshit curled up in a ball literally in his dad's shadow. But also read it for the hilarious anecdotes Ioffe tells, of how Junior is a really sucky person whose father doesn't love him! We already kinda knew Daddy has never loved him all that much -- hell, just follow Ashley Feinberg on Twitter, as she chronicles the social media evidence of that each and every day. And we already know he sucks really hard -- like did you hear about how everybody called him Diaper Don in college because of how much he peed on himself all the time, ALLEGEDLY?

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