Looks Like Donald Trump's Statements About Intelligence Briefings Are A Buncha Horsesh*t

Body language reader!

Donald J. Trump made some bullcrap news Wednesday night when he started recounting all the things he remembers from when he got to go to a Big Girl Hillary-type thing and get a REAL intelligence briefing on REAL stuff, like a REAL presidential candidate. He said the briefers did all kinds of "body language" at him, which told him they hated Barry Bamz Obama, who is the president. Here the exact quote:

In almost every instance. And I could tell you. I’m pretty good with the body language. I could tell they were not happy.

In Hillary Clinton's press conference Thursday morning, which did not happen because she does not do press conferences, she said it's fucking appalling that Trump would gossip about what happened in an intelligence briefing.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/605615/donald-trumps-russian-buddies-probably-so-excited-about-trumps-first-classified-intelligence-briefing"></a>[/wonkbar]But LOL, looks like he was lying anyway, because NBC has released a report about what actually happened at that briefing. Now, they're not releasing state secrets or anything -- that's Hillary's job, in her #emails! (We are kidding, because "EmailGate" is bullshit.) Instead, NBC tells us about how Trump's pal who came with him, the maybe anti-American dude who loves Russia SO MUCH, retired Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn, simply could not behave his-self:

...[F]our people with knowledge of the matter told NBC News that one of the advisers Trump brought to the briefing, retired general Mike Flynn, repeatedly interrupted the briefing with pointed questions.

Two sources said Christie, the New Jersey governor and Trump adviser, verbally restrained Flynn -- one saying Christie said, "Shut up," the other reporting he said, "Calm down." Two other sources said Christie touched Flynn's arm in an effort get him to calm down and let the officials continue. Requests for comment from Flynn and Christie were not immediately returned.

HMMMMM, and was Michael Flynn supposed to be sassing the nice people doing the briefing, who are still in government, unlike Michael Flynn, who was pushed out of government in 2014 and has a bunch of creepy ties with Russia? Hell, we don't even think he should be in the room in the first place, but since Trump invited him, we're pretty sure he was supposed to sit there, shut his fucking mouth and listen.

But holy Jesus, we are giggling over the allegation that Chris Christie was the adult in the room! He either said "shut up" or "calm down" or "ME COOKIES!" or whatever Christie says when he's trying to get somebody to behave. Maybe since Christie is the actual governor of a state, he has a little more experience with such things than we give him credit for.

Back to Flynn, NBC reports he was asked on the "Today" program if he also noticed the briefers secretly telegraphing that Trump rules and Obama drools during the briefing:

"I sure did...in a very specific way," Flynn said, though he went on to say that his conclusion was based not on body language but on intelligence officials drawing distinctions between the content of their briefing and White House policy.

Guess Trump was the only one reading the intelligence briefers' bodies. Maybe they were hot ladies like his daughter Ivanka or something.

Former CIA Director Michael Hayden calls horseshit on every goddamn bit of this:

"A political candidate has used professional intelligence officers briefing him in a totally non-political setting as props to buttress an argument for his political campaign," said Hayden. "And his political point was actually imputed to them, not even something they allegedly said. The `I can read body language' line was quite remarkable. ... I am confident [Director Of Intelligence James] Clapper sent senior professionals to this meeting and so I am equally confident that no such body language ever existed. It's simply not what we do."

Former acting CIA director Michael Morell also calls horseshit:

"His comments show that he's got no understanding of how intelligence works. Intelligence officers do not make policy recommendations. It's not their job and anyone running for president should know that. The people who briefed him, I'm pretty sure were career analysts — senior intel professionals. There is no way that they would in any way signal displeasure with the policies of the president."

Then Morell and Hayden winked at Trump and Flynn and said, "That might be how they do it in the Kremlin, sweetcheeks, but not here in US America!" (That last sentence may be something Wonket completely fuckin' made up.)

It really IS remarkable we're actually talking about what happened in secret intelligence briefings given to a major party presidential nominee, but with Trump, everything is brand new. And it's pathetic how Trump actually thinks he can politicize this, or that he somehow learned SOME BIG SURPRISE from the meeting. We've never seen the program "Brain Dead," but editrix Rebecca describes a scene where Tony Shalhoub plays a southern senator trying to take us to war with Syria, and he finally gets his first briefing and immediately is like "OOOOH BOY I JUST HAD A SHOCKING BRIEFING TELL YOU WHUT." But surprise, it turns out he's lying about what he learned in the briefing, just like these lame-brained shit-talkin' motherfuckers.

Christ on a cracker, how many days until we elect Hillary Clinton president? SIXTY DAYS. The end is in sight, everybody relax!


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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