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That is Rick Gates!


Golly, it seems like it's been a minute since we've talked about the Robert Mueller investigation. That is because Robert Mueller is QUIET LIKE CAT AFTER MIDNIGHT! But that doesn't mean stuff hasn't been happening, because it totally has. For instance, we might be about to have another Mueller Monday, except this time there won't be a perp walk, because one of those original perps, Paul Manafort's trusty sidekick Rick Gates who was co-indicted with Manafort for ALL THE FOREIGN AGENT MONEY LAUNDERING, doesn't sound so trusty no more! Indeed, he appears to be really close to doing a plea deal, flipping, becoming a cooperating witness, and getting out of jail as closely to "for free" as possible.

CNN has the goods:

Former Trump campaign adviser Rick Gates is finalizing a plea deal with special counsel Robert Mueller's office, indicating he's poised to cooperate in the investigation, according to sources familiar with the case.

Gates has already spoken to Mueller's team about his case and has been in plea negotiations for about a month. He's had what criminal lawyers call a "Queen for a Day" interview, in which a defendant answers any questions from the prosecutors' team, including about his own case and other potential criminal activity he witnessed.

Well that's just FUN! It's not that Rick Gates REALLY wanted to do this, but, well, WHOMP WHOMP sad trombone:

Gates has told associates he had hoped for outside assistance from a legal defense fund, but deep-pocketed GOP donors have shown little interest in helping either Gates or Manafort cover their legal fees, two sources said.

Awwwwwwww.

We sort of knew this was coming, as all the omens had portended it. Specifically, all of Gates's previous (bad) lawyers had up and quit, and he recently hired one brand new (good famous DC) lawyer, Tom Green, a guy whose specialty is negotiating plea deals.

And oh what a plea deal we imagine it might be! To be clear, the "Queen for a Day" interview happens before there's an actual offer on the table. It's where they show 'em what they got, and in this case, we assume this means Gates told Mueller's folks everything he knows about crimes committed during the Trump campaign, the Trump transition, Paul Manafort's money laundering, their mutual work for Russian/Ukrainian oligarchs, anything Gates might know about Russian hackers or Russian conspiracies, why the Trump campaign suddenly changed the Republican platform on Ukraine and gave Vladimir Putin a sponge bath in the process ... you know, just STUFF. Gates has been around for all of it.

We bet it was a VERY LONG Queen for a Day interview.

According to CNN, the White House is very long hair don't care about Gates flipping, because according to an anonymous official, that boy ain't know shit. Of course, one of the lessons Richard Nixon learned the hard way during Watergate is that it's a bad idea to assume you know how much people know about your crimes.

For Gates, seems like on top of how he ain't got the money to pay for a real legal defense, the timing might be just right for him to sing like a canary:

... [I]nvestigators with the special counsel's office are preparing to file new charges against him, according to people familiar with the probe. The additional charges are tax-related, these people say, which could increase the fines and prison time Gates faces in court. More charges are also being prepared against Manafort related to his work before he joined the Trump campaign, according to another source familiar with the case.

UH OH! Better say your secrets, Rick Gates! Don't go down with these fuckers, they wouldn't do it for you!

LOL, Rick Gates knew that, because of how none of them would pay his legal bills.

So under the bus he goes, directly into the loving arms of Robert Mueller!

SPILL IT, RICK!

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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[CNN]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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How do you do, fellow libs? We come together tonight to cheer and clap and cry and laugh, with our leader, Elizabeth Warren, and her fellow nice people Jay Inslee (the gold standard in climate action), Beto O'Rourke (excellent on being a good ally mostly), Cory Booker (best corny love hippie but also Wall Street, it's weird), Julian Castro (I don't know, people are super into him despite his creepy twinness and his too much pomade), Amy Klobuchar (bad bitch), Bill de Blasio ( ... ), John Delaney (???), and Tim Ryan and Tulsi Gabbard.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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