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Loudmouth Idiot Babies Make Sure Bergdahl's Home Town Can't Celebrate His Release

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We're already a bit weary of writing about Bowe Bergdahl, and you are probably tired of reading about the entire kerfuffle, but if we do not write about the continued goings-on (going-ons??) you will be all like "wahhhhh, Wonkette! Why don't you write about things that reaaalllllyyyy matter?" and we will be irritated by your crying and whining, so here we go.


You are aware that many of the dumbest denizens of the Internet have already turned on Bergdahl because his release was engineered by the black dude, which is an unforgivable offense. Dummies live in meatspace as well, sadly, and have now decide to hassle the people that live in the town Bergdahl grew up in for having the goddamn gall to celebrate his release.

Bergdahl is from Hailey, Idaho, which may or may not be near where Dok Zoom lives. Fuck if we know how Idaho works. [Dok Zoom adds: Nope, not really close]  Anyway. For the past four years, the good folks of Hailey, population 8,000, have held a "Bring Bowe Back" rally each June. It sounds like the kind of thing that small towns are supposed to do and conservatives are supposed to love: stand behind your people, leave no man behind, etc.

The annual Bergdahl gathering in Hailey was organized by community members who wanted to show support for the soldier’s parents. In a police vehicle, [Hailey police chief Jeff] Gunter led a procession of motorcyclists (many from POW and MIA groups) from Jerome to Hailey each of the past four years.

“I’m a friend of the family, and we’ve worked through this together,” said Gunter, who has known the Bergdahls for more than 20 years.

See? That sounds like a nice small town solidarity sort of thing, and it probably would have stayed that way if Bowe Bergdahl had just had the grace to stay imprisoned until a white Republican could get him released some time in 2017. Since he insisted on behaving in such an inconvenient fashion and getting himself released during the reign of the tyrant Obama, he and his family and his town should suffer and of of course they had to cancel the damn gathering this year. You already knew that was coming.

The “Bowe is Back” celebration was shaping up to be a showdown, with protesters bombarding the city with angry phone calls and threatening to flood the tiny Central Idaho town during the annual June event, previously called “Bring Bowe Back.”

“We just don’t have the facilities,” said Hailey Police Chief Jeff Gunter after a press release Wednesday announced the event’s cancellation.

Hailey doesn't have the facilities to accommodate a bunch of mouth-breathing chickenhawk open carry pretend veteran wannabes who had to call and talk tough about how they were gonna bring an army of millions up to protest because treason and also too Obama because Hailey -- did we mention it is a town of 8,000? -- has a whopping 17 police officers and there was going to be no way to rope in these roving bands of goobers if they actually made good on their threat to come bother everyone.

What have we learned today, kids? That the dumbest yell loudest. Always have, always will.

[Idaho Statesman]

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Image: Marriott Hotels

Great GOP wordsmith Frank Luntz, the guy who gave us the "death tax" and who urged the George W. Bush administration to talk about "climate change" since it was less politically motivating than "global warming," did some more of his characteristic word magic today! While staying at the Hotel Imperial in Vienna, Austria, Luntz offered this cautionary tale about the evils of socialism, as illustrated by the shoddy conditions in a 5-star luxury hotel owned by Dubai's "Al Habtoor" conglomerate and operated by Marriott:

Talk about your grim hellholes! Apparently, there's only one elevator in the entire building, and it's been broken for three days, proving that European-style socialism is a failure that should never be imported to the USA, where -- damn it! -- all buildings work!

As some smartass pointed out, now Luntz may have to take the STAIRS, like a common Bolshevik!

We're still trying to get our heads around how a delay in getting an elevator fixed in a luxury hotel owned by the United Arab Emirati proprietors of Dubai's

  • Habtoor Grand Resort
  • Waldorf Astoria Dubai Palm Jumeirah
  • Habtoor Palace, LXR Hotels & Resorts
  • V Hotel, Curio Collection by Hilton
  • Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor City
  • Metropolitan Hotel Dubai
  • Al Habtoor Polo Resort

as well as

  • Imperial Hotel, a Luxury Collection Hotel, Vienna (Austria)
  • Hilton London Wembley (United Kingdom)
  • Hilton Beirut Habtoor Grand (Lebanon)
  • Hilton Beirut Metropolitan Palace (Lebanon)
  • President Abraham Lincoln Springfield – a DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel (United States)
  • InterContinental Budapest (Hungary)
  • The Ritz-Carlton, Budapest (Hungary)

is an example of the horrors of socialism, but then, we don't earn the big bucks like Luntz does. Austria is among the 14 richest countries in the world, so we're fairly certain it's not a commie hellhole. Then again, there is a very strong social safety net, so maybe people in subsidized housing stole all the elevator parts. Or perhaps the elevator would have been fixed sooner if only Austria didn't have such strong unions. It's a mystery.

Or maybe it's that NATIONAL socialism that's the problem, seeing as it has socialism RIGHT IN THE NAME!

Adolf Hitler, once a day labourer outside the Hotel Imperial Vienna, returned as the Führer and "delivered a speech to a rapturous crowd from [the hotel] suite's balcony, on 14 March 1938", according to www.famoushotels.org.

We suppose it's worth noting that the Imperial is decidedly not owned or operated by the Austrian government, where a far-Right coalition has recently imploded -- although maybe Luntz is confused about that, since official state guests are traditionally housed there. In any case, the elevator's busted, it's in Europe, Europe is socialist, and Frank Luntz is homesick for America, where no elevator ever goes unrepaired for an entire weekend. It simply has never happened because of our efficient free market!

Still, Luntz's tweet inspired some valuable reflections on how economic theory shapes the reality of everyday life. This is the kind of Austrian economics we can support.



In conclusion, capitalism always allocates resources efficiently and fairly, although that still doesn't explain why Frank Luntz has a job. And now it would be your DOKTOR ZOOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY OPEN THREAD, if only the socialists would fix the elevator, the end.

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