Louie Gohmert Doesn't Reckon He'd Like To Brush His Teeth With Tree Bark

Congress

Well we guess it was talkin' time in the US House of Representatives last night, and as GOP Rep. Louie Gohmert is a member of that body, he was legally allowed to participate.

Sweet Louie Gohmert, what is happening inside that strangely shaped head of yours? Any thoughts on how climate change is actually not so bad after all, if it even exists?


GOHMERT: We can't produce synthetic fibers, so much of the carbons and rugs we have, synthetic. The toothbrush, you wouldn't have the modern day toothbrush, and I realize that yes, there are people that have used bark off certain trees to brush their teeth, I get that, but I kinda like havin' a modern-day toothbrush myself, you wouldn't have that without fossil fuel, particularly natural gas ...

Louie Gohmert is just not sure he wants to be one of those people who brushes with bark.

What else, darlin'?

GOHMERT: The Trump years, we have been producing 1.3 percent less carbon dioxide, and we can debate about what that does to the environment, whether it makes the temperature warmer, I've read where experts have said if you've got a choice between the temperature getting slightly warmer or slightly colder you want warmer because if it's getting slightly colder that means there's less time for crops to grow, if it's slightly warmer, not too much warmer, then you got more time for crops to grow, you've got more food, and you've got fewer people starving ...

Aw that's nice, Louie just wants people to not starve and if that means letting the temperatures get a little bit warmer but not too much warmer, well then he'll just be over here brushing his teeth with his modern-day toothbrush, as opposed to his tree bark toothbrush, not that there's anything wrong with a tree bark toothbrush, he just kinda likes a modern-day toothbrush better.

Hey, pop quiz for everyone: Is climate change simply about the weather getting slightly warmer or slightly colder? Or does it cause weather patterns to go all kinds of batshit, sometimes causing extreme heat and sometimes causing extreme winter storms in Texas that force Ted Cruz to flee to Mexico?

In summary and in conclusion, there was a time when we could all agree Louie Gohmert was the very stupidest person in Congress. Now he's got so much competition.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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