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Scaredy pussy face.


Y'all didn't know it, but we've been holding a secret exclusive contest at Wonkette to see which Republican senator or congressdweeb is the BIGGEST pussy of all. Is it Jason Chaffetz? No, Chaffetz is a moron who thinks people would have to be paid to hate his punchable face, but at least he stood on stage while a thousand of his constituents called him a useless dickbag. Is it one of the many Republican congresscritters too scared to show up for a real town hall meeting, and instead just want to do "town halls" on the phone, away from all the scary voters? Yep yep yep!

Louie Gohmert of Texas is very a-skeered of getting killed dead at a town hall meeting, but he's covering that up by saying he's scared EVERYBODY ELSE will get killed dead at his town hall meetings, because that always happens. The congressman wee-weed out his terrified explanation in a letter to his constituents, part of which is excerpted right here:

Unfortunately, at this time there are groups from the more violent strains of the leftist ideology, some even being paid, who are preying on public town halls to wreak havoc and threaten public safety. Threats are nothing new to me and I have gotten my share as a felony judge. However, the House Sergeant at Arms advised us after former Congresswoman Gabby Giffords was shot at a public appearance, that civilian attendees at Congressional public events stand the most chance of being harmed or killed—just as happened there.

VIOLENT STRAINS! PAID BY GEORGE SOROS! TINFOIL HATS! JADE HELM! CRYSTAL SKULLS! WORLDWIDE JEW-SPIRACY!

Gohmert says he will start doing normal town halls again when "the threat of violence at town hall meetings recedes." And as soon as his pant legs dry up, from all the scaredy-pissing he's been doing.

Think Progress notes that though there have been many people being cruel and terrible at GOP congressdicks' town halls, by asking hard questions and chanting and holding their elected officials accountable, there's been no violence. AND Think Progress also notes, and we will note, and every fucking sane person alive will note, that NOBODY. IS. FUCKING. BEING. PAID. TO. PROTEST. These paint-sniffing human Truck Nutz can't seem to grasp that people hate them, we hate Trump's agenda (he won by losing the popular vote by three million), and we're going to be even more relentlessly effective than the Tea Party was eight years ago, because we're smarter, we're cuter, we're funnier, and goddammit, our signs are spelled correctly.

Of course, as we all know from the idiot "president," our protests and our showing up to town halls of OUR OWN REPRESENTATIVES are invalid, because did you hear some of our activism is being ORGANIZED by ACTIVISTS? Did you hear some of these events have Facebook pages and everything, and evil liberals are clicking "Going" on them and sharing them with all their friends? HOW IS THAT EVEN LEGAL?

And idiot boy has the gall to bring up Gabby Giffords? For the record, Gohmert's response at the time to Giffords getting shot was to introduce a bill to let congressmen carry guns INSIDE THE CAPITOL, because that makes all the sense in the world. But we guess he's sincere in invoking her name, because the first time Giffords returned to the House chamber, Rep. Dumbfuck of Texas brought her a box of chocolates, we reckon 'cause life is like a box of chocolates, sometimes you get one filled with caramel and other times you get shot in the head.

Later in his letter, Gohmert whines that there is a thing on the internet, "Indivisible: A Practical Guide For Resisting The Trump Agenda," and many of these mean protesting lib'ruls are reading it and taking advice from it. How is that fair? Did Teabaggers have a Google doc with handy guidelines for effectively resisting? No, silly, Teabaggers can't read.

In conclusion, Louie Gohmert can't face his own constituents at a town hall meeting, because he's afraid he'll die, or you will die, or WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE, HANG ON TO YER BRITCHES, PAPAW!

Christ, what a pussy.

Wonkette is not a pussy like Louie Gohmert, so if you liked this post, throw us a couple bucks, why dontcha?

[Gohmert's website via Think Progress]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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