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Texas congressmollusk Louie Gohmert, that irrepressible imp, has been giving a lot of thought to Our Troops and how Barack Obama is trying to kill them all by making them fight the Ebolese Liberation Army.


On some strange Christian radio talk show this week, Gohmert was crying about the lack of full-body protective suits for military personnel building hospitals in Liberia, calling it "absolutely insane" that they wouldn't be in full-body condoms eve though they'd be handling 2X4s, not sick patients. And yes, he managed to drag in just about every possible paranoid talking point, even predicting that soldiers would be abandoned to Ebola and "treated like the Benghazi folks were" because the Obama administration won't give them adequate protection. Who ordered the troops to stand down against Ebola?

Then, somehow, after a caller's question about Obama's disdain for the military, Gohmert veered off into some musings about the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," maybe because he sees gay people as a deadly infection. And Louie Gohmert wants you to know that he thought long and hard about all those homos in the military and has concluded that history proves why it's a bad idea:

I've had people say, "Hey, you know, there's nothing wrong with gays in the military. Look at the Greeks." Well, you know, they did have people come along who they loved that was the same sex and would give them massages before they went into battle. But you know what, it's a different kind of fighting, it's a different kind of war and if you're sitting around getting massages all day ready to go into a big, planned battle, then you're not going to last very long. It's guerrilla fighting. You are going to be ultimately vulnerable to terrorism and if that's what you start doing in the military like the Greeks did ... as people have said, "Louie, you have got to understand, you don't even know your history.' Oh yes I do. I know exactly. It's not a good idea."

That's some pretty S-M-R-T historical analysis there, Mr. Gohmert, and thank god you have that important contribution. War has indeed changed since the days of the ancient Greeks, and we should definitely not let all these gay soldiers get gay massages of their huge taut muscles by lithe servant boys all day. It's just not a good idea! Also, damn that Obama and his outmoded insistence on bronze helmets and phalanx battle formations, too.

Sadly, the show moved on to the next caller before Gohmert could condemn Obama for not outfitting our war-galleys with more powerful, muscular slaves to man the oars. Also, Benghazi.

[RightWingWatch / "Point Of View" on YouTube]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Image: Marriott Hotels

Great GOP wordsmith Frank Luntz, the guy who gave us the "death tax" and who urged the George W. Bush administration to talk about "climate change" since it was less politically motivating than "global warming," did some more of his characteristic word magic today! While staying at the Hotel Imperial in Vienna, Austria, Luntz offered this cautionary tale about the evils of socialism, as illustrated by the shoddy conditions in a 5-star luxury hotel owned by Dubai's "Al Habtoor" conglomerate and operated by Marriott:

Talk about your grim hellholes! Apparently, there's only one elevator in the entire building, and it's been broken for three days, proving that European-style socialism is a failure that should never be imported to the USA, where -- damn it! -- all buildings work!

As some smartass pointed out, now Luntz may have to take the STAIRS, like a common Bolshevik!

We're still trying to get our heads around how a delay in getting an elevator fixed in a luxury hotel owned by the United Arab Emirati proprietors of Dubai's

  • Habtoor Grand Resort
  • Waldorf Astoria Dubai Palm Jumeirah
  • Habtoor Palace, LXR Hotels & Resorts
  • V Hotel, Curio Collection by Hilton
  • Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor City
  • Metropolitan Hotel Dubai
  • Al Habtoor Polo Resort

as well as

  • Imperial Hotel, a Luxury Collection Hotel, Vienna (Austria)
  • Hilton London Wembley (United Kingdom)
  • Hilton Beirut Habtoor Grand (Lebanon)
  • Hilton Beirut Metropolitan Palace (Lebanon)
  • President Abraham Lincoln Springfield – a DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel (United States)
  • InterContinental Budapest (Hungary)
  • The Ritz-Carlton, Budapest (Hungary)

is an example of the horrors of socialism, but then, we don't earn the big bucks like Luntz does. Austria is among the 14 richest countries in the world, so we're fairly certain it's not a commie hellhole. Then again, there is a very strong social safety net, so maybe people in subsidized housing stole all the elevator parts. Or perhaps the elevator would have been fixed sooner if only Austria didn't have such strong unions. It's a mystery.

Or maybe it's that NATIONAL socialism that's the problem, seeing as it has socialism RIGHT IN THE NAME!

Adolf Hitler, once a day labourer outside the Hotel Imperial Vienna, returned as the Führer and "delivered a speech to a rapturous crowd from [the hotel] suite's balcony, on 14 March 1938", according to www.famoushotels.org.

We suppose it's worth noting that the Imperial is decidedly not owned or operated by the Austrian government, where a far-Right coalition has recently imploded -- although maybe Luntz is confused about that, since official state guests are traditionally housed there. In any case, the elevator's busted, it's in Europe, Europe is socialist, and Frank Luntz is homesick for America, where no elevator ever goes unrepaired for an entire weekend. It simply has never happened because of our efficient free market!

Still, Luntz's tweet inspired some valuable reflections on how economic theory shapes the reality of everyday life. This is the kind of Austrian economics we can support.



In conclusion, capitalism always allocates resources efficiently and fairly, although that still doesn't explain why Frank Luntz has a job. And now it would be your DOKTOR ZOOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY OPEN THREAD, if only the socialists would fix the elevator, the end.

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