Louie Gohmert: Why Is Obama Forcing Troops To Gay Massage Each Other?
Texas congressmollusk Louie Gohmert, that irrepressible imp, has been giving a lot of thought to Our Troops and how Barack Obama is trying to kill them all by making them fight the Ebolese Liberation Army.
On some strange Christian radio talk show this week, Gohmert was crying about the lack of full-body protective suits for military personnel building hospitals in Liberia, calling it "absolutely insane" that they wouldn't be in full-body condoms eve though they'd be handling 2X4s, not sick patients. And yes, he managed to drag in just about every possible paranoid talking point, even predicting that soldiers would be abandoned to Ebola and "treated like the Benghazi folks were" because the Obama administration won't give them adequate protection. Who ordered the troops to stand down against Ebola?
Then, somehow, after a caller's question about Obama's disdain for the military, Gohmert veered off into some musings about the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," maybe because he sees gay people as a deadly infection. And Louie Gohmert wants you to know that he thought long and hard about all those homos in the military and has concluded that history proves why it's a bad idea:
I've had people say, "Hey, you know, there's nothing wrong with gays in the military. Look at the Greeks." Well, you know, they did have people come along who they loved that was the same sex and would give them massages before they went into battle. But you know what, it's a different kind of fighting, it's a different kind of war and if you're sitting around getting massages all day ready to go into a big, planned battle, then you're not going to last very long. It's guerrilla fighting. You are going to be ultimately vulnerable to terrorism and if that's what you start doing in the military like the Greeks did ... as people have said, "Louie, you have got to understand, you don't even know your history.' Oh yes I do. I know exactly. It's not a good idea."
That's some pretty S-M-R-T historical analysis there, Mr. Gohmert, and thank god you have that important contribution. War has indeed changed since the days of the ancient Greeks, and we should definitely not let all these gay soldiers get gay massages of their huge taut muscles by lithe servant boys all day. It's just not a good idea! Also, damn that Obama and his outmoded insistence on bronze helmets and phalanx battle formations, too.
Sadly, the show moved on to the next caller before Gohmert could condemn Obama for not outfitting our war-galleys with more powerful, muscular slaves to man the oars. Also, Benghazi.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.