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Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal Bores GOP To Tears In Castro-Length Veep-Tryout Speech

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Oh Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal. Why do you stilltry to talk at people? Don't you remember the last time you had an audience, when you skulked around corners in your haunted mansion to give the hilarious response to the State of the Union, the unkind comparisons to Mr. Burns, and a skeleton, and Mr. Burns's skeleton? Remember how everyone mocked you for trying to score cheap political points on spending money on -- get this haw haw! -- volcano monitoring about five seconds before that terrorist Iceland volcano shut down Europe? Because you are an asshole? Well apparently in addition to being an asshole, you are also super boring and not very self-aware and make people wait 45 minutes listening to you yammer about yourself and your transformative changes before you will let them eat their vittles, and everyone makes fun of you and people laugh.


The governor had also requested a 45-minute speaking slot, which he used to talk about everything from the failings of President Obama to his immigrant upbringing and the surprising wisdom of his father's advice, to the free-market ways to clean up an oil spill, to his own tranformative changes to education policy.

Some people liked it.

Haha not really.

Others seemed less inspired. As the speech wore on, Jindal's applause lines drew less and less of a response, and tables broke out into their own visible side conversations, while Jindal joked about how the vacuums used to clean up after the Deepwater Horizon spill were the same ones used to empty "port-o-potties after a football game on a Friday night."

Dinner waited in the wings until he finished, right around the 45-minute mark.

"I can assure you that I will speak shorter than our prior speakers, because the food is here," said State Senate Majority Leader Dean Skelos when he finally took to the podium, to laughs and cheers.

No, bring Bobby Jindal back! We want to hear more about his dad for five hours, and jokes about port-o-potties while people are waiting to eat. Mitt Romney should look no further, Bobby Jindal is the future of zzzzzzz. [CapitalNewYork]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Hooray, it's time for yet another dispatch from Fox News's big fun week of failure. (No, we mean even more failure than usual.) While all of Twitter is being annoying and talking incessantly about nothing but Bran and Daenerys and Carl and Peg or whoever they are, we have been (ignoring it and) focusing on all Fox's sadness, starting with Pete Buttigieg's town hall, where he called Fox News a piece of shit to its face. Then we laughed and laughed at Fox News idiot Pete Hegseth, who is sending lots of begging to today's college graduates, that they might immediately get dropped on their heads and forget all their education, so they might grow up to be the Fox News viewers of the future.

Oh, and we haven't even had a chance to LOL at the epic hilarity of Steve Doocy trying to do man-on-the-street interviews in Midtown Manhattan, shoving the mic into the faces of New Yorkers who literally don't care if he goes and plays in traffic. That was fun!

But the point of this post is that we have finally learned what makes at least some Fox News viewers tick, and it is that Tucker Carlson "laughs like a girl." That is not us saying that, that is a Fox News fan lady telling the Washington Post's Erik Wemple why she loves Tucker Carlson so much.

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Old White Guys Try To Explain Abortion

Throwing the baby out with the bathwater. It's your Sunday show rundown!

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Michael is out, so I'm taking over your Sunday Show Rundown. This week everyone was talking about those awful abortion laws worming their way through state legislatures. As usual, most of the men were tripping on their dicks while trying to talk about vag. Luckily, there's enough women around to ladysplain things.

Bernie Sanders went on Meet the Press for the first time in FOREVER and played his greatest hits for all the kids. Sanders criticized Joe Biden's environmental policy (which is literally just "beat Trump"), stating that it wasn't "good enough." Sanders is right! (NO FIGHTING.)

SANDERS: Beating Trump is not good enough. You have to beat the fossil fuel industry, you have to take on all the forces of the status quo who do not want to move this country to energy efficiency and sustainable energy.

But then Chuck Todd asked Bernie a loaded question about women getting "sex-selective" abortions and the whole interview went off the rails. Bernie struggled to answer the dumbass question and came across looking stupid despite having spent the better part of the last week in Alabama railing against abortion bans.

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