Love It When The Director Of National Intelligence Just Literally Makes Sh*t Up

Last week, dumb dick Director of National Intelligence John Ratcliffe wasted all our time by calling a hasty press conference to tell us about foreign threats to the 2020 election. We can't be sure of the veracity of any of it, because John Ratcliffe is a political actor who only lives to serve Donald Trump, and he's full of shit. Also he is more than willing to help spread Russian propaganda in service of Trump — yes, we are talking about the fucking DNI — even when he has been warned he is spreading Russian propaganda by the very career intelligence people he poorly leads.

There was a weird thing in his statement, though, a thing that just made zero sense, even coming from a stupid idiot with a stupid face who thinks petting Trump's grundle is more important that protecting our national security. He said these emails Democrats had been receiving in Florida and a handful of other states — which purported to be from the Proud Boys white supremacist group, which used voters' full names and addresses, and which threatened voters that they must vote for Trump OR ELSE — were being sent by Iran, and that they were being sent "to damage President Trump."

And the choir said, "HEEEENNNNNNGH?" At the time, we remarked that it made "zero sense unless you think A) Trump doesn't want to be associated with rightwing loser Nazis, or that B) John Ratcliffe isn't a known liar who lives in a cul-de-sac in Donald Trump's ass across the street from Lindsey Graham." Oh, what a witty pundit we are!

Well, now it all makes sense. The explanation is that John Ratcliffe — the fucking DNI — just makes shit up in supposedly crucially important briefings on national security. And he's so stupid he didn't realize his ad libbing made zero sense.

Politico reports that Ratcliffe "went off script" when he said that, according to "two senior administration officials."

The reference to Trump was not in Ratcliffe's prepared remarks about the foreign election interference, as shown to and signed off by FBI Director Chris Wray and senior DHS official Chris Krebs, the director of the department's Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Agency.

Just went off script! Decided to riff like a common jazz musician! He had the sheet music in front of him, but we guess he thinks the notes on the page are just helpful suggestions, but that he shouldn't let his brilliance be boxed in by such things.

You'll remember that Wray delivered his own remarks after Ratcliffe stopped making shit up, and that Wray said virtually nothing. It was pretty clear, or at least it came across this way, that Wray is literally the only Trump administration official who isn't Anthony Fauci who is in any way trusted by the public, and so he was conscripted to stand there and say meaningless words in order to give Ratcliffe's bullshit the thinnest patina of credibility.

Politico reports that Wray and Krebs were totally good with Ratcliffe letting America know about actual legitimate threats to the election, but were "surprised" when he just started making shit up. They must have never seen any of his performances in Congress. Or his resume, which is another notable place he just made shit up.

Ratcliffe also reportedly failed to read the words on the page of his prepared remarks when he just forgot to mention that the threatening emails in question sent to Democrats, the ones he nonsense-blabbered were meant to hurt Trump, involved Iran pretending to be the PROUD BOYS, because we guess he didn't want to make Trump mad by naming and shaming a white supremacist group. He was supposed to say "Proud Boys." He did not say "Proud Boys."

Because we have a DNI who just makes shit up and deletes from his prepared remarks anything he thinks might hurt Donald Trump's feelings.

The election is in five days. If you were planning on mailing your ballot, due to the machinations of the Trump administration, it is now too late. Drop it off, or mask up and vote in person.

We have five days to start fixing this national nightmare.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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