Lovelorn Hiking Enthusiast Mark Sanford Can't Believe His Ex-Wife Thinks He's A Crazy Alcoholic


We don’t believe in an actual hell here at Wonkette, because nothing the Dark Lord Satan, Ruler of the Underworld, could dream up for our eternal torment can top the trauma in our life aboveground when we occasionally fire up the Internet, scan the news, and get cock-slapped in the face with a new story about sad lust goblin Mark Sanford and the ever-ongoing saga of his marital woes.

Poor Mark. All he wanted to do was bang a hot Argentinian woman outside the bonds of holy matrimony while his wife was stuck back in South Carolina taking care of the four kids, without anyone finding out, so he could remain his state’s governor while keeping his presidential ambitions intact. Was that too much to ask?

Then the wife found out – boy, you have ONE mistress to whom you send soapy letters about how much you love watching her fondle her own boobs, and the wife never lets you forget it, right fellas? – and she divorced him, he was impeached by the South Carolina legislature, and the GOP turned its back. It was all very tawdry and sleazy, which made us laugh, but then after awhile it just felt sad, and despite Sanford’s somehow getting elected to a seat in Congress in a most unlikely redemption story, we hoped to have heard our last “hiking the Appalachian Trail” reference forever.


South Carolina Rep. Mark Sanford says his ex-wife’s new accusations that he has psychological and alcohol issues are “preposterous, crazy and wrong” — the latest salvo in the pair’s long-running feud.

Sanford also took to his Facebook page to explain -- again, as he has "expressed countless times" -- that he is sorry for the way he "handled the events of 2009, but no degree of acrimony will fix nor change its history." And yet, for some reason, his ex-wife just will not let it go already.

In the papers, Jenny Sanford asks that the GOP lawmaker undergo a psychiatric evaluation and complete an anger management class. She further suggests that he’s been under the influence of excessive alcohol and prescription drugs.

Jenny Sanford is also asking the court to limit her ex-husband’s visits with their youngest son, and to order the Luv Gov to not set foot on her property without “explicit prior written approval,” as he did last year, making headlines and briefly reminding us of his existence.

Is there more? Well, there are these reports on FITSNews, a South Carolina-based blog run by a former employee-turned-critic of the Sanfords. The blog claims to have sources close to both Sanfords who say Jenny is “bitter beyond belief” at her ex-husband and his hot, younger Argentinian strumpet (to whom he got engaged in 2012), and has been doing her best to torpedo his revived career. Not that she can hurt his chances for re-election to Congress this fall, since he’s running unopposed, because what Democrat in his right mind would want to take on this formidable political machine?

So yeah, do your worst, Satan.



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