Because she can't, she won't, and she don't stop lying


Sure, Carly Fiorina is a total loser who stinks of epic FAIL, but she's not about to take her bitter vagina and go home just yet. After getting just a skosh above nothing percent in the New Hampshire primary on Tuesday, her campaign insisted she is not quitting, she is going to go on and on ... and on AND ON ... forever.

And of course that was a lie because Carly Fiorina, duh. Here she is, quitting on the MyFace and getting in all the final lies she can before we forget her name. Let's point and laugh, shall we?

This campaign was always about citizenship—taking back our country from a political class that only serves the big, the powerful, the wealthy, and the well connected.

Blah blah blah words boring words blah.

I've said throughout this campaign that I will not sit down and be quiet. I'm not going to start now. While I suspend my candidacy today, I will --

[contextly_sidebar id="l5JoygnbcRIsp5urlNpF89qsfwCg2Vpo"]We're gonna let you finish (maybe), but first let us roll our eyes, together, at Carly saying she is not going away right before she says yes, that is exactly what she's doing. Oh sure, she's going to bum around America, spreading the good word about her most excellent vagina, except no one cares. No one ever cared.

What's really going to happen is, Carly's going to go back home to her second husband and her sweet, sweet millions of dollars Hewlett-Packard gave her just to go the fuck away forever and stop murdering the once-great tech company. She might wait by the phone for the eventual Republican nominee to call her and beg her to hop on his ticket, but we can tell you right now, that is not going to happen. How do we know? We watched the video.

OK, before we archive this corrupted Fiorina file once and for all, any final words for all the ladies out there who never looked to Fiorina for feminist GRRRRRL power inspiration because haha yeah right?

To young girls and women across the country, I say: do not let others define you. Do not listen to anyone who says you have to vote a certain way or for a certain candidate because you're a woman. That is not feminism. Feminism doesn't shut down conversations or threaten women. It is not about ideology. It is not a weapon to wield against your political opponent. A feminist is a woman who lives the life she chooses and uses all her God-given gifts.

[contextly_sidebar id="4wBu6iGr7I7fNw16FZGafRGua69o3PGJ"]Blah blah some more, she hates Hillary, we know, WE KNOW. We're still not taking any lessons on feminism from the lady asshole who says women shouldn't have healthcare because she watched a video that never existed; affirmative-actioned her way into the 11th spot of a 10-person debate; and, after all these years, won't stop ACTUALLY-ing us about how she didn't drive HP into the ground, it was sexism. UGH.

OK, now you can go away forever, Carly, and please stop running for things you can't win because we'd prefer never to see your hideous "persona" ever again.

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