Maybe Ted Cruz Should Shoot Donald Trump In The Face, As Our Founders Intended

Perhaps Alexander Hamilton was also from Canada

[contextly_sidebar id="gmJWlJtRgy4hUIA9iJEAnU5fFofLb4xk"]Things sure have heated up in the Republican presidential primary! Harsh words have been spoke, mean names have been called, and uncouth lout Donald J. Trump is accusing decent gentleman Ted Cruz of being an "unhinged" and "unstable" liar -- from Canada.

Good thing the most reasonable and respectable member of Congress, Iowa Rep. Steve King (R-Cow Pie), is stepping in to moderate this escalating flame war before things really get out of hand:

“This is just — it is the sickening display of a school yard bully,” King said. “We’ve never seen this in politics before. I notice that somebody tallied up in the debate Saturday night that the word ‘liar’ was used 22 times.”

And how might Cruz defend his own honor against the "baseless accusations" that he is a liar and also a Canadian? According to great historian King, there is one remedy from ye olde-timey days:

“We don’t use that word where I come from, because when you make that kind of allegation, we look back at our founding fathers, for example,” the lawmaker continued, “and realize that Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton fought a duel to the death over such allegations, and now we have them hurled out as though making that allegation somehow makes it true and makes it stick.”

Not that Rep. King is literally recommending Ted Cruz declare "Pistols at dawn!" in Donald Trump's face, for accusing him of being a liar. King's just saying, is all. Just, like, offering up this historical fun fact, hint hint wink wink bang bang.

“I will say this,” King said. “The things I heard Donald Trump say, you would never want a president of the United States speaking like that from the podium. [...] The president of the United States hurling those baseless accusations out, attacking people, attacking their character willy-nilly, calling them liars with no basis or substance.”

[contextly_sidebar id="ktvsc3zT9oCLMdeYbddx1fY6zvsfBBCU"]No, we certainly would not want a president of the United States to behave in such an uncivilized manner as Trump. Far better to have a president of the United States who cordially invites his political opponents to say it to his face like a real man, and not in some willy-nilly way.

Obviously, we would never condone a violent resolution to the schoolyard slap-fight between Trump and Cruz. First, because we are a peaceful people who believe grown-ups should use their words, not their fists or their muskets. But also, and far more importantly, this Republican primary is the best goddamned thing that we have ever seen, and we'd be ever so sorrowful if it were to end any time soon.



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