MADISON, Wisconsin, Behold The Mermaid! (The Mermaid Is Wonkette, TONIGHT!)
What's the matter, you never saw a guy slept with a fish before?
We have been having the most wonderful time, on your many dimes, traveling from our home in Montana to Washington DC to hold signs saying "YAY TEENS!" and give them impeach hats and kiss them on their shiny faces as they lead all of us into a future of NO MURDERED CHILDREN IN SCHOOLS. Could you even stand it yesterday, seeing their smart, brave selves doing their WALKOUT? I could not. I cried TOO MUCH. Behold the little boy who murdered me DEAD.
LOOK AT THE BABY. Look at his sign, "Guns are CRUEL, not COOL." Oh my honey, I am no more.
Well, tonight, Thurs., March 15, we are in Madison, Wisconsin, at your comrades’ private home, 5118 E. Buckeye Rd., from 6 to 8:30 p.m. Please join us (they're providing food and drink, and we're providing a baby who will yell at you, because she is like that lately).
Let's see some terrible, blurry, and upside-down pictures from our YOOGE party in St. Paul, Minnesota, last night! If you haven't been to Moscow on the Hill, GO. It is very whatever "fabulous" is in Russian.
You can't tell, but Minneapolis may have outstripped Portland for biggest reliable wonkgathering, as about 40 of you showed up to be WONDERFUL.
Chicago! Join us for a no-host wine tasting! (That means you pay $25 to drink all the wines, but we buy you nice appetizers! If you ain’t got $25, PLEASE email me at rebecca at wonkette dot com and say YOU WANT TO COME! Don’t be shy, the Wonkette Nation sent good money for you to join us!) Fri., March 16, 7:30-9:30 p.m. at wineHouse, 3164 N. Broadway, in the “Lakeview East” neighborhood, if that is helpful, I don’t know.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Sun., March 18. I will get to this one when I get to it!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Tues., March 20. Same.
Brooklyn, NY. Join us at your comrade Erin’s restaurant Grindhaus in the Red Hook neighborhood! Again, appetizers on me, drinks out of your own wallet. Thurs., March 22, I think maybe 7 p.m.
Washington DC! We’re buying you pizza somewhere Fri., March 23, to carbo load for the Teens March for Our Lives, then meeting you somewhere else Saturday morning!
Baltimore, Maryland! Block off like 4-7 p.m. and argue amongst yourselves about where we should see you Sun., March 25.
Morgantown, West Virginia! Let us wipe off the coal dust and kiss you on your FED UP faces! Mon., March 26. And then …
Somewhere in Kentucky!
Looks like Kansas City!
And then Denver! To home!
Stop by! Bring us presents! Give us cash! We love you!
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.