The Republican governor of Maine is a real genius, and by genius, we are being sarcastic as hell, because the dude is a total moron. But he's not just a moron; Gov. Paul LePage is also a terrible person, with a sac of gonorrheal discharge where his heart should be. He is always seeking new and creative ways to fuck the poors -- whether it's trying to prevent cities from increasing their minimum wages, drug-testing recipients of government assistance, or just yelling at them to "get off the couch and get yourself a job!"

LePage has precisely zero friends in his state, even from his own party, which is only one of many reasons he's now facing possible impeachment for allegedly blackmailing a school for at-risk kids (FYI, that's possibly illegal and also, HELLO, super dickish). So when retired librarian Louise Sullivan sent a little note to her governor, asking him to "please resign" to "save yourself time and embarrassment" and "save our state time and money," LePage responded with the petty jerkosity and utter stupidity we've come to expect from him:

We're going to give the governor a D+ for grammar, a B- for penmanship, and an LOL for substance. We are not well-versed enough in Maine politics to understand why a governor would think insulting the southern region of his state is a savvy move, but apparently, this is a thing. According to the Maine Beacon, a Republican legislator once went so far as to propose secession from those dirty southern Mainers, and renaming them "Northern Massachusetts." Maine is weird.

However, because, like we said, moron, the governor accidentally enacted more than 70 bills he intended to veto, except, oops! He outsmarted himself, so now Mainers get to enjoy expanded benefits for immigrants, additional Medicaid funding for reproductive health services, and a prohibition on the barbaric practice of shackling pregnant inmates. So basically, LePage, by not understanding how pocket vetoes work, managed to, for the first time in his governorship, do some good for his state. By accident, because, again, moron.

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We'd wish the state best of luck in impeaching its dumb-as-dirt dick of a governor, although if he keeps confusing himself about how legislation works, maybe Mainers should put up with his rancid personality and subpar writing skills and keep him in office after all. At this rate, Maine will soon be the most progressive utopian state in the nation.

[Maine Beacon]

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OK everyone, hello! It was a really shitty week with Trump's BABY JAILS and whatnot, right? And we cried and we cried, but then we got MAD. Are you MAD BRO? Because this shit is not going to stand and we are more fired up than ever to make things better, to register people to vote, to pick them up in our car so they can go vote, and also all the other stuff too. BRB TAKING OUR COUNTRY BACK NOW. That is how we are right now! So are you! Start by marching with Wonkette next week!

Also, please look above, as that is a picture of Wonkette toddler getting SWIMMING LESSONS. Isn't that the greatest?

OK, we are continuing our tradition of making the top ten post even shorter than ever before, because gotta get on the road and go to Nashville BRB GOING TO NASHVILLE NOW.

Stories chosen by Beyoncé, as per usual:

1. Why Are You Peeing On Yourself, Donald Trump, Jr.? (ALLEGEDLY)

2. Ann Coulter's America Will Die if Baby Jails Go Away, So That's Something!

3. Yes, Trump Is Stealing Children. But You Can DO Something.

4. Baby Jails? Goddamn Motherfucking BABY JAILS?

5. Trump's 500 Days Of Bummer

6. The 987,386 Most Fucked Up Lies Our Shithead President Told This Morning

7. Happy Father's Day, Roger Stone! YOU ARE THE COLLUSION!

8. Michael Cohen Slams Baby Jails On His Way To Grownup Jail

9. Awwwww Rudy Giuliani, YOU FUCKING SCARED?

10. Trump Foundation Fuckery? WHO KNEW!

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

OH HEY, one more thing. Know how Wonkette is fully funded by readers like you, and that's how we have salaries and servers and healthcare and liquor? If you want Wonkette to be here FOREVER, you gotta help us out, so won't you click here to do a $10 donation, or even better, a monthly subscription? WE LOVE YOU, YOU PAY OUR RENT.

Let's see ... anything else? Nope, BYE.

Yours in baby Jesus,


Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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The great journalists at the National Enquirer regularly sent advance digital copies of stories about Donald Trump and his political opponents to Michael Cohen, according to a story in the Washington Post, which cited "three people with knowledge of the matter" as sources. Probably Trump was one of them, you know how he is.

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