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Oh no, it is the Saturday before Father's Day, which is tomorrow, on Sunday, and you have not gotten your dad a present yet! Never fear, for we have all the goodies American dads crave, in the Wonkette Gift Shop and Bar and Grill! It's like Cracker Barrel, but with more socialism.


Let's start just above, where Wonkette Dadbod Spokesmodel Shypixel is demonstrating the allure of having Bernie Sanders, right on your body! YOURS for only $22, and that includes free shipping. (You have to type "FreeShipping" in the box where it asks for a coupon, which we know is an extra step, but you are already on computers, you can figure it out.)

"But Wonkette," you're saying, "my dad doesn't want a dude on his T-shirt, NO HOMO." Perhaps he would probably prefer a sexy socialista lady! Like the Elizabeth Warren T-shirt, pictured at right! He will be the only dad at Dad club wearing that T-shirt, unless you decide to be a GOOD SON OR DAUGHTER, and buy one for Dad AND all of his friends. Also $22 dollar!

"But Wonkette," you're saying, "my dad is a Republican ewww sadface." Then get him one of the Wonkette sexxxy kitten whip T-shirts, and tell him "Wonkette" is the name of a sex kitten pin-up lady and has absolutely nothing to do with your San Francisco Values.

"But Wonkette," you're saying, "my dad doesn't wear T-shirts, but I was rifling through his drawers the other day (NOT THOSE 'DRAWERS' YOU PERVERT), and I think I found some of Mom's underpants in there, should I call a therapist?" NO YOU SHOULD NOT, DO NOT JUDGE HIM FOR WEARING LADY PANTIES SOMETIMES. Instead buy him a pair of Wonkette's magic panties, so he can put some teeth on his Dad Junk! Only $7.99!

 

"But Wonkette," you are protesting one more time, which we are pretty fuckin' tired of, to be honest, "my dad is a nudist!" OK, fine, get him a coffee cup, or browse around the rest of the Wonkette store and find something you think he'd like, or just make a donation in his name to your Wonkette and tell him you "named a star after him."

Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there!

[Wonkette Bazaar]

 

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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