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Enjoy this Wonkette Holiday Classic recipe all over again, as though The Gipper was still wandering around somewhere.


Whatever the hell "monkey bread" might be -- something racist, we assume -- it was the thing our favorite first lady Nancy Reagan was known to "cook," at Thanksgiving or whatever. For America, and for Ronnie! Delight the people at the Holiday Table with this splendid treat.

Ingredients

* 1 package dry yeast

* 1 cup or so, of milk

* 3 eggs

* 3 tablespoons sugar

* 1 teaspoon salt

* 4-1/2 cups flour

* 2 Percocet

* 6 ounces butter, room temperature

* 1/2 pound melted butter

* 1 (9-inch) ring mold

* 3 whisky sours

Directions

In a bowl, mix yeast with small amount of milk until dissolved. (Remember to do this in a bowl and not just on the counter or whatever.) Add 2 eggs and beat, the eggs. Mix in dry ingredients. Add remaining milk a little at a time, mixing thoroughly. Cut in butter until blended. Take Percocet with first Whisky Sour. Knead dough, let rise 1 to 1 1/2 hours until doubled in size. (You can sit on the floor and lean against the cabinets for this part. No-one will see you crying.)

Roll dough onto floured board, shape into a log. Cut log into 24 pieces of equal size. Shape each piece of dough into a ball, roll in melted butter. Place 12 balls in the bottom of the buttered and floured mold, leaving space between. Take a rest, wash your hands, drink second Whisky Sour. Place remaining balls on top, spacing evenly. Let dough rise in mold for 30 minutes. Brush top with remaining egg. Bake in preheated oven at 375 degrees until golden brown, approximately 25 to 30 minutes.

Drink third whisky sour, fall asleep on floor. Make the negro servants bake dessert.

Do not forget our other Holiday Recipes for Thanksgiving! Ken Layne's Real Cranberry Business (suck it, Susan Stamberg!) and Betty Ford’s Chocoholic Icebox Fantasy and K-Lo’s disgusting hamburger-stuffed turkey and Mamie Eisenhower's Lesbian-Soviet Hockey Rink and Rush Limbaugh's horrifying "Under The Sea Salad." That's the whole shebang; clicky on the direct linkies if you need "ingredients." Questions? Hahaha, we've been soused since we scheduled these at noon.

And of course check out our Mommyblog Recipe Hub for fresh new Thanksgiving food ideas, for Thanksgiving food for Thanksgiving.

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Hell of a coincidence we have here! On the very same day that a Russian spy gets arrested for using the NRA as a conduit to the Republican Party -- ahem POLITICAL PARTY 1! -- the United States Treasury announces that it won't be collecting donor information from "social welfare groups." Guess which "GUN RIGHTS ORGANIZATION" is a tax exempt social welfare group that raised $337 million in 2016 and will now be able to hide its donor list from the prying eyes of the American public?

Here's a hint:

That's right, donors to the the NRA and those Kochsuckers at Americans for Prosperity can now dump infinity political dollars into their lobbying and electioneering efforts without having their names disclosed to the Federal Election Commission. Or the IRS. Or anyone who might object to propping up lunatic politicians who want to arm preschoolers.

In the bad old days, i.e. yesterday, "social welfare organizations" had to give the IRS names and addresses of anyone donating over $5,000. But now they get to keep it all secret, as White Jesus and Charles Koch intended. Here's how the Treasury explains the change on its website.

Tax-exempt organizations described by section 501(c), other than section 501(c)(3) organizations, are no longer required to report the names and addresses of their contributors on the Schedule B of their Forms 990 or 990-EZ.

Okay, now 'splain us how awesome this is gonna be, Steven Mnuchin!

Americans shouldn't be required to send the IRS information that it doesn't need to effectively enforce our tax laws, and the IRS simply does not need tax returns with donor names and addresses to do its job in this area. It is important to emphasize that this change will in no way limit transparency. The same information about tax-exempt organizations that was previously available to the public will continue to be available, while private taxpayer information will be better protected.

BOOOOORING! Hey, Mitch McConnell, you're a big old whore -- say the quiet part out loud to the Wall Street Journal.

The IRS's decision is a move in the right direction to end activist regulators' culture of intimidation to silence political speech. [...] More and more states were using these documents to chill political discourse, rather than encourage it.

That'll do it! Can't do anything about the pizza racists running their mouths and ruining the grift. But you can make it harder for customers to work out what corporate owners do with their earnings. Because money is speech, and speech is free, and we all have a First Amendment right to secretly fund organizations that team up with Russia to ratfuck American elections and starve the poor.

Thanks, Justice Kennedy!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

If you click here to fund us, we promise not to make you read about tax policy tomorrow! PROBABLY.

[Treasury.gov / WSJ]

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Fox News has been LI'L BIT CONFUSED about how to cover Donald Trump's treason meeting with Vladimir Putin. There was a lot of tut-tutting from Fox's daytime journalists (the "real" ones) on Monday, but then it was Double Dipshit Time on Monday night as Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity took over the commentary. Carlson found the real election hackers (brown Mexican people who either move to America and become legal citizens who vote or brown Mexican people who are just born here, as if THAT is allowed!) and declared that Russian meddling is like number 115 on the list of things that threaten America. (The other 114 are the blacks and the Mexicans and the gypsies, because Tucker Carlson is a white supremacist.) Meanwhile, Hannity hosted Donald Trump for some kind of mutual lick-off session where Trump said that Putin had informed him that there was NO COLLUSION. It's good to have a KGB handler who remembers stuff like that!

But even then, there was a hopeful moment! Fox News's Chris Wallace committed an actual act of journalism Monday night when he interviewed Vladimir Putin, going so far as to stick Robert Mueller's indictments in the Russian leader's stupid fucking face and dare him to read them. He even asked Putin why he constantly murders people with poison. GO GET HIM, CHRIS WALLACE!

Usually the next morning's "Fox & Friends" is like Carlson and Hannity's afterbirth, but Tuesday morning was a little bit different! For some reason, Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade and Abby Huntsman were not 100% pleased with Dear Leader's behavior in Helsinki! So they put on their Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski masks and did their best impression of a more dumber version of "Morning Joe," and oh my god it was SO WEIRD. Like, they would be outraged for a second, but then they would immediately compliment him and reassure him that he is a Very Good Boy who won that presidential election fair and square.

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