Marco Rubio Biggest Winner Of Dead Last Place

Time to have a long hard talk with himself

Tuesday was a tough night for Marco Rubio. Again. All the nights have been pretty tough for Little Marco, really, but in Mississippi and Michigan and Idaho and Hawaii, he choked so hard, he managed to win a total of ZERO delegates. Even John Kasich did better than that.

[contextly_sidebar id="1HOlrSJidvG0L9JQy5zx320i13CMdGXz"]Rubio keeps saying his growing pile of losses doesn't matter. Winning the nomination isn't about winning states, it's about ... um ... well, OK, it is about winning states, but Rubio doesn't want to admit that, because then he'd have to admit what every other sentient being on the planet knows: Rubio can't win.

"I have never based my campaign on one state," he said a few day ago. But on Tuesday night, he insisted that his state of Florida is a must-win state, not just for him, but for everyone!

I believe with all my heart that the winner of the Florida primary next Tuesday will be the nominee of the Republican Party.

His heart can believe whatever it wants, but it's a little audacious for perpetual loser Rubio to insist that Florida is the most important state of the whole primary season, so if one of his competitors -- say, Ted Cruz -- doesn't win Florida, that means Ted Cruz can't be the nominee. Sure, Little Marco, whatever you say.

But can we have some real talk here for a second? On March 15, Floridians will cast their primary votes, and the polls aren't looking very good for Rubio. So if he doesn't win the state he is now declaring is the definitive path to the nomination, does that mean Rubio will finally put himself out of his Jeb-like misery and go away?

Some SayTM Rubio's team is trying to persuade him to admit defeat now, before Florida, to spare himself the humiliation of officially losing his own "must win" state. But Rubio's team quickly dispelled with that "fiction" and insisted nuh uh, not true, Rubio isn't thinking of dropping out, and nobody is delicately suggesting it to him.

[contextly_sidebar id="BHiToOpuH57eNwUjeV2Oq3ZS0d1rV8w4"]Of course we all know the first stage of dropping out of a race is having to deny rumors that a candidate is dropping out of race. On the other hand, we know Rubio is awful terrible so bad at math. So maybe he really thinks he can win Florida after all, and winning Florida is the same thing as winning the nomination, so once Rubio destroys his enemies next Tuesday, it's straight on to the general election.

We'd agree with the Somes Who Say Rubio should drop out now, before Florida. He could try to look all gracious and noble and claim it's for the good of the party and call upon voters to unite behind a Not Trump who has a chance of beating Trump. Oh, he'd seem so very adult, wouldn't he? Maybe he'd even get to have the VP slot. A nice consolation prize for his great sacrifice.

But we are enjoying the Republican civil war far too much. And we are really looking forward to watching Rubio get his little bottom spanked in Florida, so we're hoping he keeps believing his own heart, instead of the math. It amuses us greatly.



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