Marco Rubio Knows He Can Win This Thing, If You'll Just Vote For Someone Else

Shhh, he's focusing on counting good

We didn't know it was possible, but Marco Rubio's math has gotten even worse. Yeah, we are as shocked as you because that's UNPOSSIBLE, right? Rubio is already the worst at math, and not very strong with his ABCs either. And yet:

Marco Rubio’s campaign says supporters of the Florida senator should back John Kasich in Ohio on Tuesday if they want to stop Donald Trump.

“If you are a Republican primary voter in Ohio and you want to defeat Donald Trump, your best chance in Ohio is John Kasich,” Alex Conant, Rubio’s communications director, told CNN.

Isn't that so nice of Team Marco to endorse someone else before Rubio even drops out of the race? So generous. So neighborly. So Christian of him. Team Kasich, however, is not feeling quite as Christian toward Little Marco:

To be unnecessarily -- and very uncharacteristically of us -- generous to Team Marco, we think this is intended to be a "strategy," not a joke to make us laugh at him some more. If Rubio, who is in a very definitive dead last place in Ohio, asks all five of his supporters to vote for Kasich, that'll stop Trump from continuing to grow his ginormous delegate lead over both of them. So it's only fair that Kasich, who is in dead last place in Florida, scratch Marco's back too. Except, as Kasich's spokesdude sneeringly and hilariously noted, Rubio isn't going to win Florida -- with or without a faux endorsement from the Ohio governor.

The missing step in Rubio's finger-counting calculation is that RUBIO. CAN'T. WIN. Not even with Kasich's help. Not even in his own state.

If the two losingest losers in the race join forces to try to stop Trump, which candidate has the better -- or at least, the less laughable -- argument to make to a hypothetical brokered convention, that the party should simply hand the nomination over to a Not Trump who couldn't win it the old-fashioned way, with votes?

[contextly_sidebar id="uAJXdDHcSAFCfk3TImfpd0rSMsmvtu9p"]Trick question, because the answer is neither of them. This is a desperate and silly and stupid fantasy -- that the GOP will decide its best chance in November is a candidate who couldn't even get his own party to vote for him. But Kasich isn't expected to suffer the humiliating double-digit defeat in his own state that's a-comin' Marco's way next Tuesday. And while Rubio has been cheerily counting all his second and third and fifth-place finishes as "victories," here in the real world? That's not adding up for him. Not even with some help from a fellow loser.



How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc