Marco Rubio Thinks Media Just Having Constant Orgasms Over Rising US Coronavirus Cases

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Marco Rubio can't go to church during the coronavirus outbreak, so he's wasting his Sundays tweeting nonsense, which is not that different from how the Florida senator spent the Lord's day pre-COVID.

Sunday morning, he gifted us with this Trump-like gem.

“Some in our media" might seem like a more measured statement than “the fake news media," but if he can't give us actual examples, it's only a superficial distinction. Just who in the media is Rubio calling out? No one is “delighted" to report that the United States has more coronavirus cases than China. We live in the US! We like leaving the house every once in a while. It's not even the “liberal media" reporting this sobering and terrifying fact (China's population is hella larger than ours).

The Wall Street Journal repeated the disturbing news on Friday:


The U.S. has overtaken China as the country with the most cases in the world of the novel coronavirus, marking a new milestone in the fight against the global pandemic.

China had held the top spot since the deadly virus began spreading there in December.

BBC News called this a “grim milestone" but also tried to lessen the blow for us. America has more reported sick people but fewer of them have died, so that's something, right? Let's give Donald Trump a Nobel Prize.

According to the latest figures collated by Johns Hopkins University, the US has overtaken China (81,897 cases) and Italy (80,589).

But with over 1,300 Covid-19-related fatalities, the US death toll is still behind China (3,296) and Italy (8,215).

The New York Times ran this headline Thursday.

The New York Times

That's just the truth, Ruth. There's no streamers and confetti on the headline like it's a celebratory Google Doodle. These are simple, unpleasant facts, and Rubio's a conservative so he should understand that facts don't care about your feelings.

There were a lot of Republicans retweeting Rubio and sharing his contention that the media specifically and liberals in general are all sociopaths who hate America so much they are “rooting" for the coronavirus. Benny Johnson from Turning Point USA claimed journalists "are unquestionably parroting Chinese propaganda and gleefully squee tweeting that America is suffering." This conservative line of thinking is probably why John McCain's secret daughter Meghan was guilted into deleting her own tweet Saturday questioning the awesomeness of America. Self-reflection is only for commies.

Now, Little Marco is probably right that we don't know for certain how many cases China really has/had. However, we also don't know how many cases the US really has. Our testing protocols have been atrocious, and we should focus more on improving them than complaining that China is making us look bad.

Early Sunday, Rubio tweeted one of his random-ass Bible verses before he had some coffee and got to work defaming half the country.

This is a real Bible verse. It's unclear how God boasting about raising a zombie army is what we need to hear right now as we shelter-in-place. Maybe he's been watching Pulp Fiction.

Pulp Fiction Ezekiel 25 17 By Jules Winnfield www.youtube.com


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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).

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