Marco Rubio Will Pay You To Make Fun Of Him Forever And Ever
Never should have installed that Romney2012 emulator
[contextly_sidebar id="3XnAGjfIKQhkxldcE7LXsoonTYSVXLmd"]You may have missed it in all the excitement over that thrilling sportsball contest where the team with the one bunch of guys beat the team with the other bunch of guys, and there were lots of poop commercials, but before that, the Republicans went and had themselves a debate Saturday night. It was the usual bunch of one-upmanship, snide innuendo, and general insanity, and that was just in the Wonkette comments. On the debate stage, though, the most memorable moments of the night came when Marco Rubio's higher functions failed, and he simply kept repeating himself like a Cylon with half-fried circuitry. And no, not one of the sexy Number 6 models, either. It was pretty painful to see, as Rubio burbled out the same line from his stump speech an impressive four times, almost without variation:
Let's dispel once and for all with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn't know what he’s doing. Barack Obama is undertaking a systematic effort to change this country and make this country more like the rest of the world.
First off, the idea that being like the rest of the world is automatically a scary and horrifying prospect is a little bizarre -- meant to suggest that Obama's on a secret mission to force us to have universal healthcare, the metric system, and speak Esperanto, probably. Also, it's "dispel" or "dispense with," but not "dispel with." For chrissakes, if you're going to be a robot, at least talk English correct, like that nice Mister Data.
Chris Christie pounced on the robotic delivery, prompting Rubio to spit out the lines one more time in a beautiful Pavlovian response:
Christie: That's what Washington, D.C. Does. The drive-by shot at the beginning with incorrect and incomplete information and then the memorized 25-second speech that is exactly what his advisers gave him. See Marco, the thing is this. When you're president of the United States, when you're a governor of a state, the memorized 30-second speech where you talk about how great America is at the end of it doesn't solve one problem for one person.
Rubio: Here's the bottom line. This notion that Barack Obama doesn't know what he's doing is just not true. He knows exactly what he's doing.
Christie: There it is. There it is. The memorized 25-second speech. There it is, everybody
Oh, come and see the talking points inherent in the system!
Weirdly, Rubio isn't the least bit apologetic for the Mr. Roboto performance, not at all; in fact, he thinks he's doing a terrific job of getting his message across. On ABC's "This Week" Sunday, he insisted to George Stephanopoulos that all his major systems were functioning within normal operating parameters, and that he knows exactly what he's doing:
"I would pay them to keep running that clip," Rubio insisted. "Because that's what I believe passionately. It's one of the reasons that I'm not running for re-election in the Senate. I'm running for president."
"But you're getting pounded for repeating that speech," Stephanopoulos pointed out.
"I hope they keep running it," Rubio replied. "And I'm going to keep saying it because it's true."
"It's what I believe and it's what I'm going to continue to say," the candidate added. "Because it's one of the main reasons why I am running."
He will repeat it because it is why he is running. He believes it, so he will repeat it. He knows what he is doing. Affirmative. He believes it. It looks just like a Telefunken U-47. It's leather. It's a way of life. He's Kilroy. Klaatu barada nikto. By your command.
Not surprisingly, there is already the inevitable parody Twitter account, Marco Rubio Glitch, and during the Big Super Game Sunday night, there were countless variations on the theme:
And of course, it had to go recursive eventually:
And finally, our personal favorite, a couple of cardboard-box robots who showed up at a Rubio appearance in New Hampshire Sunday morning, plugging the liberal PAC American Bridge.
Craftsmanship like this will make America Great Again.
They were shadowed by Marco Rubio supporters holding signs accusing the robots of being lackeys of Jeb Bush, despite the URLs written on the boxes, which redirect to American Bridge.
It's almost enough to make you wonder if Marco Rubio knows what he's doing at all.
Asked for comment on Rubio's repetitions, Donald Trump said America doesn't win anymore, although when he's president, we'll get sick of winning, because he will build a yooge wall and make Mexico pay for it, and also make America great again.
[Mother Jones / RawStory / Gawker]
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.