Marco Rubio's Twitter Getting All DaVinci Code Secret Bible Messages And Shit

There are things in your life that you spend years learning at school and you think they will never come in handy, like various maths or how to diagram a sentence or the entire New Testament. But now, I am pleased to report, that knowledge of Scripture is paying itself back manyfold because Marco Rubio is tweeting Bible verses and now I'm totally cool on this Trump thing!

I have always had a soft spot for Rubio because he's as ecumenically fucked up as I am having flirted with Catholicism, Baptist denominations and Mormonism, which incidentally is the same three religions in which my parents raised me! So occasionally the man will say something that makes very little sense to anyone but him and me. Well, and I suppose the other ecumenically fundamentalist folks out there, but you really have to imagine there's not many of us given that some of the fundamentalist Baptists think the Mormons are actually evil demons. You think that's figurative language, but I still get asked sometimes if people can feel my horns because they think that I would have grown them during Sacrament meeting! AND THESE PEOPLE VOTE.

Anyway, Marco Rubio woke up this morning and started out on Twitter with this:

I assume you're all Gentiles (which is what Mormons call non-Mormons, and yes I know, but they also think that Native Americans are the lost tribe of Israel in defiance of genetic testing, so just go with me on this Gentile thing) and so you won't know this reference upfront. But Marco Rubio most certainly knows both the verse and the context. And Marco Rubio is on the intel committee, which means he is up to his neck or above in intrigue and skullduggery and between that and the normal apocalyptic overtones one has in one's head when one is searching for literal demons in everyday objects it seems entirely likely that the man is playing a game I like to call "Coded Bible Verses." The kid version is when you're stuck in church and you can't talk or pass notes unless they are pursuant to holiness, you find Bible verses to trade and you have a conversation that way. The adult version is, well, Marco Rubio tweeting two Bible verses one morning and then going right back to normal Senatory stuff.

So anyway, John 14:27 comes right after Jesus names Judas a traitor and gives him a blessing to travel away and make his arrangements with the Pharisees and guards to come arrest Jesus. Various disciples are losing their shit, because they've just learned that anyone even could betray them, and Jesus tells them to all cool it because this is part of a hidden master plan designed by people who had access to information and understanding that the disciples lacked. Judas leaving to betray Jesus is the only thing that can save the world. This is part of a few chapters that together make up what's known as the Last Supper.

So that's not at all foreshadowy and dogwhistly or anything! Here's the next one:

So, translating this into Veiled Commentary from whichever Bible this heathen uses (KJV or quit, motherfuckers), dude is basically telling us that SOMETHING is going on SOMEWHERE that was planned by SOMEONE and not everyone can know about it in advance but we should all just be still, and know that Marco Rubio is read in.

Or possibly dude just got weirdly religious all of a sudden. Best bit about the coded verse game is that it only made sense afterward when you were telling each other what it all meant. Good luck out there separating wild speculation from wild reality!


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