Marcus Bachmann's Christian Counseling Practice Has New Name, Is Surprisingly Still In Existence


You gotta hand it to good old sad old Marcus Bachmann. He takes a licking (ewww now we have that image in our head and we HATE us) and keeps on ticking. After the homosexxicans at Truth Wins Out went all undercover-like and found out what we all knew - that Marcus' "counseling" services was pretty much nothing but holding hands with Marcus while he cast out your gay demons, he still kept on keepin' on. He's currently suffering the slings and arrows of being one of the subjects of a federal grand jury probe about all Michele's funny monies during her comically short presidential campaign, but he remains bloody and unbowed. But maybe these things have been distractions from the really great Christian counseling you could receive from Marcus, but you might be scared off by the Bachmann name, on account of how it is scary. So Marcus has solved this problem by changing the name of his counseling service to the aggressively bland "Counseling Care."

In a move to curry favor with whoever wants favorable things from Marcus Bachmann, he's also pretty much buried Michele's existence.  His new website bio now simply says:

Marcus and his wife are the parents of five children and have been foster parents to more than 20 children. The family lives in the St. Croix Valley.

Oh, Michele, our belle, what did you ever do to deserve such an erasure from history besides being completely batshit and maybe getting your husband and all your associates entangled in a federal criminal investigation? Let he among us who has NOT done this cast the first stone.

Marcus' shiny new website also has a list of all his minions and their various pretend online Christian college degrees. Oh, all right. Some of them appear to have degrees from degree-granting institutions we actually recognize, but whatevs. Here are two things we learned from this list: First, there are a surprisingly large number of people who are Christian counselors. We always sort of figured that this was sort of a one-man-show with Marcus in an exurban basement office with low ceilings and inspirational sayings crafted in needlepoint, hung on the concrete walls in a vain attempt to warm the place up. Who knew that this was such a thriving business? Also, too, we learned that there is another Bachmann - one Lucas Bachmann - that has joined this fine enterprise.

Unlike all the other people that have one million initials following their names, Lucas has only the lonely-looking MD designation and does not seem to have any experience listed whatsoever. That's probably because he was a resident until last year and that wouldn't have looked so good now would it? Better to just give the poor boy no bio and move on. Oh, and is it Marcus and Michele's kid? Duh, of course it is.

So, if you're a Wonkesotan or from other parts thereabouts, you can still get all your self-loathing overbearing Christian counseling needs met, because Marcus is BACK, baby.

[Bluestem Prairie]


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