Marjorie Taylor Greene #SnackAttacked By National Guard, And Kevin McCarthy Is FURIOUS

Stop us if you've heard this one before: Marjorie Taylor Greene is a goddamned fucking moron, the end.

OK, so there is a backstory. House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy is mad the military has yet again done a "political stunt," this time to Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-Idiot). Last week, the military did a "political stunt" by responding to Tucker Carlson's attacks on women in the military by saying "Hey, the women in the military are pretty awesome." Some military officials, including the spox for the secretary of Defense, said maybe talk show hosts have something to prove, but the US military didn't.

As a result, as we all know, this egregious attack not only permanently removed Tucker Carlson's free speech, but then, in a tragic and unforeseen consequence, Tucker died of his injuries, but don't worry he got better. (Probably just was the 50th thing last week that made Tucker's dick feel smaller.)

Well, did you know they did it again? As McCarthy explains in the tweet below, a "Dem lawmaker used soldiers in a political stunt against a GOP member." Whoa if true!

Sounds terrible!

What happened is that at CPAC, Greene called Guam a foreign country. Yes, an elected member of Congress from the state of Georgia referred to Guam as a foreign country. "We believe our hard-earned tax dollars should just go for America, not for what? China, Russia, the Middle East, Guam, whatever, wherever," said Greene, who is, again, a member of Congress.

In response, Democratic House Delegate Michael San Nicolas -- who represents "Guam, whatever, wherever" in the United States Congress -- decided to take Greene some Guam care packages, to teach her about the territory that's been part of US America since 1898. It was some nice treats, cookies and the like, and some books like Guam For Idiots and Baby's First Guam and we don't know what the books were called.

He was just trying to help the maniacally stupid dumbfuck from Georgia. And be nice! And yeah maybe it was a little bit of a dick move, but it was a funny one.

And oh yeah, he brought members of the Guam National Guard with him.

"I was taking my Guardsmen on a tour of the Capitol, and we stopped by several members' offices, and we delivered some goodies," San Nicolas told CNN. "Cookies should never be considered a political prop, and neither should our military. But goodwill is absolutely something that we wish to extend from Guam to everybody."

Here, have a video!

Maj. Gen. Esther Aguigui, the adjutant general of the Guam National Guard, expressed support for teaching everybody in Congress about "Guam! How Does THAT Work?"

"We appreciate Congressman San Nicolas' efforts to represent our culture of Inafa' Maolek, or bringing harmony, practiced here in Guam," Aguigui said in a statement. "We also thank Congresswoman Greene for ultimately helping raise awareness of Guamanians as citizens of the United States, and our rich tradition of service and sacrifice to our nation.

Shaaaaaaade. They should give Greene a special award, fly her out and shit.

To be fair, it's easy to forget how Guam works, or how the US Virgin Islands work, or Puerto Rico, or the District of Columbia for that matter. It's not like they have congressional representation that's allowed to vote or anything. And quite frankly, most Americans' exposure to Guam comes around every four years on election day, when the Democratic candidate for president wins Guam.

Still, we think people elected to Congress ought to know what "Guam" is. Perhaps the Guam National Guard should have brought the fuckhead a globe.

Did this visit to Greene's office she wasn't there, by the way — end up making Greene look stupid? No more stupid than she already is. It just made it funnier. ARE WE NOW ATTACKING THE GUAM NATIONAL GUARD FOR MAKING US LAUGH, CONGRESSMAN?

You fucker.

Greene, of course, is bellyaching about it. In a letter to the Pentagon, which you should read because it is very funny, she called the visit to her office an "ambush" by the "National Guard troops." You laugh, but please remember that they were armed with cookies. Then you can laugh some more.

Also here is a tweet:

Fuck you.

To be clear, though, how is this a "political" action? We know this is Marjorie Taylor Greene we're talking about, so you gotta lower the bar until it crashes through the floor, but we were not aware that "Guam exists, you goddamn moron" was a political issue about which the major parties disagreed.

For the record, San Nicolas and the Guam National Guard also visited Jim Clyburn and gave him cookies, but he's not snowflaking out like WAAH! WAAAH! WAAAAAAH! GUAM COOKIES! WAAAAAH! SHOOT 'EM WITH A JEWISH SPACE LASER! WAAAAAAAAAH!

Guess he's just not a piece of shit like she is.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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