Mark Halperin Puts Penis To Paper For New Trump Book No Decent Person Should Buy
In a just world, the story of Mark Halperin — pervert and philosopher — would end with him getting bombed on Woolite under one of Manhattan's less fashionable bridges. Unfortunately, we're all trapped in the world where Donald Trump is president, so a legitimate publisher has signed a book deal with the hack pundit who rubbed his nasty-ass penis on women without their consent.
The above notice states definitively that "the height of the #MeToo movement" was in 2017. So we guess it's all over now. Men said so. Ladies, please put on your company-issued go-go boots and report to your dancing cages. It's not even two full years, y'all. Halperin wasn't away long enough to grow a solid beard of shame.
Halperin's upcoming book is How to Beat Trump: America's Top Political Strategists on What It Will Take. Halperin spent most of the 2016 campaign normalizing Donald Trump and now he wants to cash in on the desperate efforts to remove him. Trump has been credibly accused of sexual assault by enough women to form a small town. Regan Arts presumably thinks it takes a predator to catch one. We have an unsolicited clue for the "75 top Democratic strategists" who spoke with Halperin: If you want to beat Trump-ism, you can start by refusing to enable the institutional misogyny that lets men abuse women and then resume their lucrative careers after a brief time out.
Editor Judith Regan had this half-assed excuse for padding Halperin's bank account:
REGAN: I do not in any way, shape, or form condone any harm done by one human being to another. I have also lived long enough to believe in the power of forgiveness, second chances, and offering a human being a path to redemption. HOW TO BEAT TRUMP is an important, thoughtful book, and I hope everyone has a chance to read it.
As far as we know, Halperin didn't assault Regan or attempt to ruin her career. It's not her place to forgive him. She's not his pastor. A major book deal is a mighty generous "second chance" because few people get a "first chance" to publish a book. This would include all the women Halperin chased out of journalism with his grotesqueness. We'd love to read their opinions about a powerful sex predator. They have some unwanted yet definitely related experience. Besides, we were under the impression that #MeToo complaints were the road to fame and fortune for women! That road must've been bulldozed to make way for the interstate highway of "redemption" for garbage men.
What a world. We have New York Times articles about whether Elizabeth Warren can be president without a penis at the same time that book publishers announce the new book by a man who couldn't keep his penis to himself. Halperin isn't some political savant who happens to be gross. He's a moron. He takes politics as seriously as a sporting event. The current president is an (alleged) rapist and (actual) white supremacist who locks up children (and eventually even the mentally ill). Halperin just sees him as last season's World Series champions. Can the underdog team block him from a repeat victory?
The Trump administration is an ongoing horror show specifically for women and minorities. We don't need the savvy political advice of a mediocre white dude who is indistinguishable from Trump when the lights are off.
But once news of Halperin's book hit the Internets, the response was about what you'd expect. It was as if Regan Arts punched women collectively in the face just to see them go "OW!" Those involved in Halperin's comeback were soon offering the most mealy-mouthed, pathetic excuses for participating. Anita Dunn, managing director at SKDKnickerbocker -- a communications firm that does work with Time's Up -- claimed she only spoke with Halperin because she wants to beat Trump. Halperin's not a genie who's into frottage. We'd all make sacrifices if it was that easy. Donna Brazile, who has disappointed us consistently over the past few years, clarified to Oliver Darcy that she's not Mark Halperin. Mark Halperin's Mark Halperin. You should talk to him if you want to know why she'd give him an interview.
David Axelrod tweeted a response that implies he doesn't think much about the interviews he gives. He probably exchanged emails with Kevin Spacey and O.J. Simpson on the same day.
We will never read Halperin's crappy book. You shouldn't either. Shame on everyone who willingly helped resuscitate this creep's career.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He recently fled Seattle, where he did theatre work for Book-It Rep and Cafe Nordo.