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Mark Sanford Leaves The Appalachian Trail; Also, That Chick He Was Banging

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Photo byGage Skidmore


Here's a great way to round out the week: A trillion-word Ode To My Sorrowful Self by our favorite trail-hiking-enthusiast-slash-lovah, the dishonorable Rep. Mark Sanford (R-"Appalachia").

I apologize for the length of this post, but given the gravity of the issue at hand when I sat down to write late last night a long list of things came to my mind.

More than anything, I am struck by two truths. One, it seems that history well documents that those who work to avoid conflict at all costs wind up being those destined in many instances to find much conflict. Peace at all costs rarely brings it. On the other hand, Jesus was incredibly clear in the book of Luke that we are to turn the other cheek at offenses and that if someone took our shirt, we were to offer our coat as well.

Blah blah Jesus thoughts blah ... we are already bored. His ex-wife Jenny, who has no reason to still be bitter AT ALL, has another lawyer and another lawsuit, and he has to go to court again to prove that he is not a drunken lying scumbag (good luck with that!), and woe is him blah blah. Let's skim on:

I have prayed on it, thought on it and asked the advice of friends.

Here is where I have settled:

I cannot do this anymore.

Wait, did he just RESIGN? Or is about to jump? Or --

I am going to get a lawyer to defend me on this case. I will instruct them not to fight back, to work to de-escalate and defuse and to look for measured justice and an end to controversy. At the time of the divorce I did not get a lawyer because I could not imagine standing in a court room with one in some adversarial form against the mother of our boys.

Oh. He's hiring a lawyer? That's all? Because he'd never heard that he who represents himself has a fool for a client? Guess not.

Skimming ... skimming ... talking about God ... Oh! He and his special Argentinian lady friend are breaking up even though he will love her FOREVAH!

No relationship can stand forever this tension of being forced to pick between the one you love and your own son or daughter, and for this reason Belen and I have decided to call off the engagement. Maybe there will be another chapter when waters calm with Jenny, but at this point the environment is not conducive to building anything given no one would want to be caught in the middle of what’s now happening. Belen is a remarkably wonderful woman who I have always loved and I will be forever grateful for not only the many years we have known and loved each other, but the last six very tough ones wherein she has encouraged me and silently borne its tribulations with her ever warm and kind spirit.

Then there's some more talk about God and Jesus and screw this, we'll just sum up the whole thing for you:

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Please enjoy pouring one out for poor old lovelorn Mark Sanford's love life with his "soul mate."

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