Masshole Judge Overturns DOMA, Uses Teabaggers' Favorite Amendment For Gayness


We're stone cold getting Social Security benefits now, breeders!Your right-wing types often go on and on and on about "keeping the gummint out of my hair" and "state rights," and take as their proof text the Tenth Amendment to the Constitution, which basically says that the Feds can't do anything but fight wars and mint gold coins and maybe build interstate highways, and the states should be in charge of everything else. And if you've had to listen to all this, you've probably had the urge to say "So why should the gummint be all up in some dude's business if he wants to marry another dude?" but you don't because you promised your mom that you wouldn't start any fights at Thanksgiving this year. Well, Joseph L. Tauro just basically said the exact thing that you wanted to shout over turkey and stuffing, except he's a federal judge who was appointed by gay communist Richard Nixon 38 years ago, and he said it in a court decision declaring parts of the Defense of Marriage Act unconstitutional, so it's really a lot more meaningful than your holiday-ruining diatribe.

Tauro's decision (actually two decisions on two separate but related lawsuits) did not declare that Real American states had to recognize ungodly sodomarriages contracted in the gay states, which, depressing though that might be, at least avoids a probable nuclear-level freakout that would get boring heterosexuality enshrined in the Constitution, forever. But! He did rule that the federal government could not discriminate between legally contracted straight and gay marriages, because, according to the Teabaggers precious, precious Tenth Amendment, only state governments get to decide what a legitimate marriage is. So same-sex marrieds in the states that condone their same-sex-marriedness can file joint tax returns, get spousal Social Security and Medicare benefits, and do all the other hot fucking-and-sucking-related perversions on the "gay agenda."

Did this elderly judge specifically tailor his decision to irritate conservatives? Probably, according to a Yale Law professor!

Professor Balkin said Judge Tauro was "attempting to hoist conservatives by their own petard, by saying: 'You like the 10th Amendment? I'll give you the 10th Amendment! I'll strike down DOMA!'"

Here is a fun side note to this: One of the lawsuits was actually filed by the state of Massachusetts, which argued that DOMA essentially forced the state to discriminate against its own citizens in handing out all the federal largesse that passes through the state government. The suit was brought by the state's Attorney General, Martha Coakley, who you probably vaguely remember as the woman who somehow lost a Massachusetts Senate election to a frequently naked Republican who drives a pickup truck. Scott Brown, of course, is so terrified of gay marriage that he'll do anything to stop it, even berating children with obscenities, so this may be some small measure of revenge on her part.

The Obama Administration, which is defending the law in court, will appeal the decision, obviously, even though they're officially against it, because they are lame. So enjoy the prospect of having simplified tax paperwork while it lasts, gays who live in five states and/or the District of Columbia! Once it gets to the Supreme Court, it will inevitably be overturned in a decision that will mostly consist of Scalia and Roberts coughing and saying "faggot" under their breath. [NYT]

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Just this past week, US News ranked Alabama 49th in the nation for education, with the lowest overall reading and math scores. They probably would have ranked 50th, but there was no data for their high school graduation rates.

The five states ranked best in the country for education were Massachusetts, New Jersey, New Hampshire, Vermont, and Connecticut, in that order.

Also, this week, the Alabama House passed a bill that would make it a punishable crime for doctors to refuse to treat babies "born alive" after abortion.

HB 491 reads:

If a child is born alive following an abortion or attempted abortion, the physician who performed the abortion or attempted the abortion shall exercise the same degree of professional skill, care, and diligence to preserve the life and health of the child as a reasonably diligent and conscientious physician would render to any other child born alive at the same gestational age. Failure to do so is a Class 23 B felony and is punishable by not less than 20 years in state prison and a fine of not less than one hundred thousand dollars ($100,000).

More than 90 percent of abortions occur before 13 weeks. Only 1.3 percent of abortions occur after 21 weeks. The current law in Alabama -- not the horrorshow that just passed -- prohibits abortion after 23 weeks. Premature births at 22 weeks have a 0-3 percent survival rate, and premature "births" at 21 weeks have a survival rate of 0 percent.

There are not babies being "born alive" after abortions and then left to die because no one wants them. That's not a damn thing, and even when pressed, Alabama Republicans could not come up with a single example of this having happened. They just feel in their hearts that it does.

What can happen, rarely, is a medical situation where doctors must induce labor because the mother's life is at risk. In these cases, the children are wanted, but do not always survive because -- as mentioned just one paragraph ago -- the survival rates on premature babies are not great. That being said, federal law states that as soon as someone is born, they're a person, and therefore entitled to all rights thereof. One of those rights is that no one can kill you, legally. Doctors have an obligation to save lives, but when there is a situation—regardless of how old the person is!!!—where the patient has no chance of survival, the next of kin is given the option to continue or not continue with life-saving efforts. That is how things work.

It's almost as if there is some kind of connection between passing a law this stupid and having the worst reading comprehension skills in the nation.

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Well, lordy Jesus, that was 10 minutes of our life we're never going to get back.

A few minutes ago, all the reporters on Twitter started saying, "Um, we are getting called to the Rose Garden and we don't know why." Democrats were supposed to be meeting with Trump about Infrastructure Week, but instead, this was happening:

Hooray! There was a sign in the Rose Garden! It said how big the Mueller Investigation was! And most importantly the Mueller Investigation said NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION, PREZNIT TRUMP GOOD, NOT A RUSSIAN.

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