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Matt Drudge Has Melancholy Breakup With America, Tweets Sad Poetry

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Matt Drudge, long known as the man behind the homepage of the Internet for people who still think it's 1998, has recently taken to posting on Twitter. Because he is basically just a crazy, hyperemotional shill, it turns out that what goes on under the hat is a continual teenage-lesbian-poetry breakup with America.



We are assuming that Matt Drudge does not actually think the Founding Fathers are elemental demigods elevated to a heavenly perch above to manipulate forces of nature to send messages about background checks at gun shows.

...Who are we kidding?  He totally fucking does.

Anyway, Matt Drudge has now gone from news aggregator to maudlin dramatic Instagrammer, blaring the Smiths as he tries to figure out the sickest way to burn his ex on the internet. Next up: posting shots of America sleeping naked on one of those revenge porn sites, with her home address and everything.

[Twitter]

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Ann Coulter is not impressed with Donald Trump's presumptuous plan to stop ripping babies away from their mothers and sending them to infant prison. For quite a while, Ann has been obsessively lamenting the very idea that American people even have children to "fill their lives with joy," but now (lol, "now") Ann has shifted her rage to immigrant people. Every time you watch her waving her alien-length arms around in a ritualistic frenzy over how shitty liberals are, just remember that we have already seen the emptiness of her soul laid bare. Remember that time she wanted to eat your baby because you got a tax credit?

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Screenshot- Right Wing watch via Fox News
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It's just another Wednesday in an America that snatched kids from their parents and locked them up in old Walmarts. Trump just signed an unneeded executive order ending his heinous child separation policy, but his "the bad guy mobster in a mobster movie" tactics might've had some permanent damage. What remains of the shriveled-up soul of the grand old poor-screwing Republican party has finally had enough.

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