Matt Walsh Into Little Mermaids So White You Can See Their Skulls, What's Your Kink?

Surprise, white racist conservative men are still mashing their rage-weenies about the new Little Mermaid, who is portrayed by a Black actor. Just kidding, you are not surprised.

Well-adjusted white man Daily Wire Ben Shapiro employee Matt Walsh — yes the guy who thinks straight people never have orgies because he's a self-referential dork who claims to be EWWWWWWW GROSSSSSSSSED out by the presence of another man's penis in the room with him — has science thoughts about why Ariel in The Little Mermaid has to be white, because mermaids are white, in fact they are translucent, because everything in the ocean is see-through.

No, really.




MATT WALSH: Also, by the way, with The Little Mermaid – can we also just mention that, from a scientific perspective, it doesn't make a lot of sense to have someone with darker skin who lives deep in the ocean.

No dark skin for the people who live in the ocean, this is just science.

I mean, if anything, not only should the Little Mermaid be pale, she should, actually, be translucent.

Not even a tan. WHAR TRANSLUCENT ARIEL?

If you look at deep sea creatures, they're, like, translucent. They have no, kind of, pigmentation whatsoever.

Matt Walsh has studied the skin of deep sea creatures and apparently he thinks it is like human skin, which is what mermaids have, obviously, even though mermaids are fucking imaginary, idiot.

Conservative white men are getting better at science, and liberals are getting worried.

And they're just, like, these horrifying -- they look like skeletons floating around in the ocean. That's what the Little Mermaid should look like. She should be totally pale and skeletal where you can see her skull through her face.

The Little Mermaid should be a horrifying skeleton floating around in the ocean and you should be able to see her skull.

And that would actually be a version of The Little Mermaid that I would watch.

Oh Christ, did Matt Walsh have a boner when he did this segment?

Gross.

Earlier, Walsh whined that casting a Black women as Ariel was "white erasure." In the role of a mermaid, which is again something that is make-believe.

Other hot takes from Matt Walsh:

He's extremely worried white people are being replaced.

He thinks arranged marriage is pretty cool because there are too many mustard choices these days and if everybody is responsible for choosing their own spouse, some of the "mustards" won't be chosen. You may muse to yourself over which kinds of "mustards" Matt Walsh is worried will get left behind. For a married person, it's weird how he always sounds like an incel.

He is worried about the future, because in the future, families will be led by "four dads and three sex robots."

He's offended by the idea of paternity leave because he doesn't think babies bond with their fathers until they're "much older." Shot in the dark here, but we're guessing some of what Matt Walsh says is a result of his own father's childrearing practices. He likely thinks this is a good thing.

He wants to film teachers to make sure they're not filling kids' heads with actual facts that contradict whatever "Father Knows Best" garbage he's filling his kids' minds with.

He thinks birth control pills are "poison" because they keep women from fulfilling their true potential as superhero broodmares. He also thinks birth control pills make women stop loving masculine men like himself Frank Sinatra and John Wayne, and instead start loving "feminine" men like Zac Efron and Justin Bieber.

That's right. He thinks he is above Zac Efron on the masculinity pedestal.

This is the man crying at you right now about NO BLACK LITTLE MERMAIDS, IT GOES AGAINST GOD'S NATURAL SCIENCE LAWS FOR MERMAID SKIN!

This is all very reasonable.

OPEN THREAD.

[Media Matters]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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