Very Moral Pundit Matt Walsh Pretty Sure Teen Girls Just Made For Banging

Right Wing Extremism
Very Moral Pundit Matt Walsh Pretty Sure Teen Girls Just Made For Banging

In one of the best episodes of "The X-Files," Fox Mulder argues that the mysterious "men in black" deliberately "behave strangely so that if anyone tries to describe an encounter with them, they come off sounding like a lunatic." The over-the-top antics were a successful strategy for obfuscating their sinister agenda.

I wonder if the same isn't true of many obvious rightwing trolls. It's easy to dismiss someone like Matt Walsh who rants about mermaid race science. He's so extreme, liberals will insist he's just an attention-grabbing "shock jock," a wannabe Howard Stern. But what if he actually means everything he says? He's not repulsive for ratings or a big payday. He's just genuinely repulsive, and unfortunately, there's an audience for his garbage.


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Media Matters published an extensive deep dive into Walsh's "sordid history as a radio host" on the The Matt and Crank Program in 2010 and 2011. Walsh was in his mid-20s at the time, and his views haven't matured. They are creepily consistent with white Christian nationalism that reeks from the stench of jackboots.

Walsh promoted political violence, dismissing Tea Party protesters as unwilling to "go to extremes" (and not in the peaceful Billy Joel manner). He claimed “we probably lost our republic after Reconstruction,” because that is what a racist says. He's not being "provocative." He's being racist.

The brave souls at Media Matters unearthed an especially revolting 2011 segment where Walsh raved about the social benefits of teen pregnancy. Walsh opposes gender-affirming care for teens but supports teens getting married and having kids before they can legally drive alone at night.

WALSH: So what I’m saying is that the problem is not, per se, teenage pregnancy — it’s unwed pregnancy. That’s the problem in society. It’s only problematic when you are not married and you don’t have the man there to help you take care of the kids because he’s a coward.

The "man" who knocked up a teenager isn't just a "coward." He's also guilty of statutory rape, unless they're both minors, in which case cosplaying as Ward and June Cleaver won't magically transform them into a functioning adult couple.

And if you thought Walsh's mermaid science wasn't adequately peer reviewed, check out this drivel:

WALSH: So to all of a sudden act like this phenomenon of girls getting pregnant at that — at a young age — that we consider young, 16 or 17, to act like it's a new thing is ridiculous. It’s always been that way … Girls between the ages of like 17 and 24 is when they're technically most fertile.

Look, if you want to bang teenage girls, please seek help. Don't peddle fertility theories that have been thoroughly debunked.

Dr. Jean Twenge, who wrote The Impatient Woman's Guide To Getting Pregnant, looked into the antiquated studies about women's fertility and discovered that they were based on data from before modern medicine. It's probably not a surprise that 16th Century French farm women might've had more success getting pregnant before they died from tuberculous or the plague. Don't let those sexy costume dramas fool you. The past sucked.

WALSH: OK? That's biological. That's a fact. I am just stating facts. That's all I'm doing.

No, Walsh is just talking out of his ass, which is roughly 90 percent of his body. Studies using more recent samples find much higher rates of fertility among older women. Walsh is the groomer here, not the grade school teachers he regularly smears.

WALSH: But what happened recently ... in the last 30 years or so, we decided that that's way too young to start a family.

When he refers to the "last 30 years or so," he means "since the women's movement." The Republican opposition to reproductive freedom, contraception, sex education is all about maintaining white male patriarchal dominance. The more women who marry and have children when they're still kids themselves, the fewer women there are who enter the workforce and compete with men. That's the end game.

We might've scoffed at Walsh in 2011, but just a decade later, after the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade,New York Times columnist Ross Douthat, a supposed mainstream conservative, tweeted: "Worth noting that in the 50 yrs since Roe ... men have become less likely to find a spouse, less likely father kids or live with the kids they father, and less likely to participate in the workforce."

Walsh is an extremist but he's no joke. I'm certainly not laughing anymore.

[Media Matters]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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